Drowning In Awareness

My oldest daughter is nearly ten.  She's smart.  She's observant.  Her memory for certain things is a solid steel trap.  And she's drowning in awareness about her own (adoption) story.

My oldest daughter has been in our family for three and a half years.  Prior, she spent six years in an orphanage.  She has ongoing contact with her birth family and has met them in her birth country.  And she's drowning in awareness about her own (adoption) story.

The last few months have been hard for my big girl because she has begun to let go of the illusions and the more easily palatable way that she had framed her own story.  She has come face to face with her feelings of loss, anger, and sadness about the adoption and its why and how.  She's drowning in awareness.

Our family is trying to keep her afloat by giving her every opportunity to talk about her thoughts and feelings.  She's working on a life book and has a trauma-informed therapist to support her as well.  As her mother, I find myself in a precarious position of being a listener, the middle man between her and her birth mother on many occasions, and someone who wants to help her find peace about it all at some point in the future.

While speaking with her, I am often reminded of the sentence that was presented to us over and over again when we were preparing for our adoptions, "Your parents couldn't take care of any child."  This sentence is presumably intended to let our adoptive kids know that what happened to them was not their fault and to make them feel more comfortable with their complicated histories.

In seven years as an adoptive parent, I have never uttered that sentence to any of my children because it simply isn't true for them or for the great majority of children finding themselves in overseas state care nowadays because they were born with special needs.  My other two children's birth parents were successfully parenting their firstborns when the children who now call me mama arrived.  Our big girl's biological parents are making a wonderful life for their two sons, one of whom is only 18 months younger than the girl with limb differences who was born to them first.

If I said, "Your birth parents couldn't take care of any child" to my oldest daughter, she would roll her eyes at me and respond, "Well, they're obviously doing a great job with my little brothers."  In fact, she has said these words to me because she is drowning in awareness.  She is not going to fall for platitudes or cliche explanations.  So what do I say to her?

Right now, I am trying to help her separate the people from the decision, "Your birth parents are not bad people, but they made a poor choice.  They were uninformed and misinformed and they did not do their research.  They were scared and overwhelmed.  They were under pressure from extended family, from doctors, and from society as a whole.  They regret their decision and they understand in hindsight that they could and should have parented you.  They love you and we love you and you can love all of us."

I know that understanding these things does not change the impact her first family's decision had on my daughter's life, but I hope that it will help her - eventually - to reemerge from her drowning, to see clearly the issues surrounding her adoption, positive and negative, and to work toward acceptance.

Last Day of First Grade

Today was the last day of first grade for Rex and Emilia.  I probably should have been doing more productive things, but I decided to do something special for this afternoon instead.  I decorated our driveway and...

... I made four strawberry pies, one for each family (including ours) that uses the bus stop which is right at the top of our driveway.

I hope it's a sweet way to kick off summer for the friends we have on our little street.

The Cat In The Hat

Yesterday was "Dress Like a Character from a Book" Day at school.  Surprisingly, we already had all the ingredients at home to make a pretty decent Cat in the Hat out of Emilia.  And she loved it.

“Look at me!

Look at me!

Look at me NOW!

It is fun to have fun

But you have to know how.” 

~ Dr. Seuss 

Photo Of The Day

Fifteen thank you gifts for the staff that works directly with Emilia and Rex at the school are complete with 40 hours to spare.

Home School Year 1 Is Done

As of Friday, Ella and I have completed the required 900 hours of home school and finished her third grade year.  The decision to home school was agonizing for Craig and me on various levels, but we have never once regretted it.  Ella had a great school year and learned more than ever before.  Among other accomplishments she

1) Completed and comprehended two years of math in less than 12 months

2) Went on 35 field trips

3) Read 122 books

4) Took several courses in the community, including 16 weeks of rock climbing and 12 weeks of art

5) Worked with her academic tutor twice per week

6) Participated in extra-curricular enrichment activities at the school, including the Wonder book club, International Night, and the Kids Home Alone classes

7) Worked as a Mother's Helper earning her first pay

8) Continued daily neurological reorganization therapy

9) Learned how to make jello and banana bread and how to clean a toilet

Even though we had many challenging days, we stayed on track and on target with our curriculum and will pick right back up where we left off on July 1 when our fourth grade home school year begins.

Apraxia of Speech

May is Apraxia Awareness Month.  People with apraxia of speech understand what is said to them, but find it difficult to produce sounds, syllables, words, and sentences in response.  Imagine what this feels like for children like our Emilia.

Emilia's First Grade Year

In just a few days, our Emilia will finish her first grade year.  She completed it under an IEP and with the help of a dedicated team of specialists has made good progress academically.  However, this year has really been about growth in other areas for our girl.  She has come so far socially and emotionally, with expressive language, and with her self help skills.  We're so proud of her accomplishments which include learning to ride a bike, potty-training, and having friends.

Yesterday, during the first grade award ceremony, Emilia received the Sunshine Committee honors as the student who always had a smile on her face, always had a celebratory word to share with others, and lifted the spirits of the entire class every single day by bringing her infectious brand of sunshine to the group.

Emilia, we are so very proud of you.  In the face of a mountain of obstacles, you continue to make your own path which can be slow and rocky and ever-winding, but always is filled with your laughter, your affection, your sense of humor, your genuine encouragement of yourself and others, and your love.  We're so thankful to call you our daughter.

IAC Results 422-424

The following referrals were issued in IAC Session 422 which was held on March 1, 2018:

1) Spanish dossier from December 2011 referred a female child aged 2 years and 3 months

2) Spanish dossier from June 2012 referred a male child aged 6 years and 11 months

3) Italian dossier from February 2014 referred a male child aged 10 years and 5 months

4) Canadian dossier from July 2014 referred a female child aged 1 year and 7 months with features in health status and a family history

5) Spanish dossier from September 2014 referred a female child aged 1 year and 10 months with features in health status

6) Italian dossier from September 2017 referred two brothers aged 13 years and 9 months & 12 years and 4 months

7) French dossier from December 2017 referred a female child aged 9 years and 7 months with features in health status and a family history

8) US dossier from December 2017 referred a female child aged 1 year and 9 months with features in health status

9) US dossier from February 2018 referred a waiting child (#657) with a profile on the MOJ site

10) US dossier from February 2018 referred a waiting child (#3324) with a profile on the MOJ site

11) US dossier from February 2018 referred a waiting child (#3483) with a profile on the MOJ site
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The following referrals were issued in IAC Session 423 which was held on March 15, 2018:

1) Italian dossier from August 2013 referred brothers aged 6 years and 8 months with features in health status

2) Italian dossier from April 2014 referred a male child aged 3 years and 5 months with features in health status

3) Canadian dossier from April 2014 referred a female child aged 2 years and 4 months with features in health status and a family history

4) Italian dossier from December 2015 referred two sisters aged  9 years and 11 months & 6 years and 2 months

5) French dossier from January 2018 referred a male child aged 10 years and 11 months

6) US dossier from March 2018 referred a waiting child (#1828) with a profile on the MOJ site

7) US dossier from March 2018 referred a waiting child (#3087) with a profile on the MOJ site

8) US dossier from March 2018 referred a waiting child (#3309) with a profile on the MOJ site

9) US dossier from March 2018 referred a waiting child (#3441) with a profile on the MOJ site

10) US dossier from March 2018 referred a waiting child (#3419) with a profile on the MOJ site

11) US dossier from March 2018 referred a waiting child (#3284) with a profile on the MOJ site

12) One referral to the US for a biological niece

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The following referrals were issued in IAC Session 424 which was held on March 22, 2018:

1) Canadian dossier from January 2012 referred a female child aged 1 year and 10 months

2) Norwegian dossier from February 2012 referred a female child aged 1 year and 8 months

3) French dossier from December 2013 referred a female child aged 1 year with features in health status

4) US dossier from July 2015 referred a male child aged 1 year and 10 months with features in health status

5) Luxembourg dossier from August 2017 referred a make child aged 1 year and 10 months with features in health status

6) US dossier from March 2018 referred a waiting child (#3490) with a profile on the MOJ site

7) US dossier from March 2018 referred two waiting children (#3294 & #3295) with profiles on the MOJ site

8) US dossier from March 2018 referred a waiting child (#3432) with a profile on the MOJ site

9) US dossier from March 2018 referred two brothers aged 10 years 11 months & 14 years and 8 months with features in health status

Four Years

It's been four years to the day since we met our big girl. She's grown up so much.

Picture Of The Day

Emilia had a field trip to the Krohn's Conservatory today and her teacher sent me a note to say she had an awesome time.  She even shared a few precious pictures, including this one of Emilia looking at a butterfly: