Saturday, March 31, 2012

March 31, 2010

Two years ago today, my life was forever changed when I opened several emails about a little Armenian boy named Karen. That day, I could never have imagined the long and frustrating journey to bring him home. I could never have fathomed how challenging and sometimes overwhelming it would be to parent this child. And I could never have dreamed of this completely breath-taking, heart-stopping and fiercely protective love I would feel for my son.

Two years ago today, my heart said yes, in a split second with the simple click of a button, yes, yes, yes, forever yes.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Picture Of The Day

When you have a German Mama, you're likely to end up with a Nutella mustache a couple of times a week:

Lunch Success

IAC 211 Results

The following referrals were issued in IAC session 211 which was held on 02/23/12:

1) US dossier from September 2007 referred a female child aged four years

2) US dossier from April 2009 referred a male child aged two years and nine months

3) German dossier from August 2009 referred a male child aged two years and three months with features in health status

4) Italian dossier from January 2010 referred a male child aged seven years and six months

5) US dossier from April 2010 referred a female child aged two years and seven months with features in health status

6) German dossier from June 2010 referred a male child aged one year and six months with features in health status

7) US dossier from August 2010 referred a waiting child (#1657) with a profile on the MOJ site

8) US dossier from October 2010 referred two children, boy and girl, aged two years and nine months and one year and eight months, with features in health status

9) US dossier from October 2010 referred a male child, aged four years and two months, with features in health status and a family history

10) Italian dossier from December 2010 referred a male child aged six years and six months with features in health status

11) US dossier from January 2011 referred a male child aged seven years and eleven months

12) French dossier from November 2011 referred three brothers, aged five years and ten months, seven years and three months, and four years and four months

13) French dossier from November 2011 referred a waiting child (#1191) with a profile on the MOJ site

14) French dossier from January 2012 referred a waiting child (#1740) with a profile on the MOJ site

15) US dossier from February 2012 referred a waiting child (#958) with a profile on the MOJ site

16) US dossier from February 2012 referred a waiting child (#760) with a profile on the MOJ site

17) US dossier from February 2012 referred a waiting child (#1126) with a profile on the MOJ site

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Rex - Thirty-Three Weeks Home

Today marks thirty-three weeks home and thirty-five weeks out of the orphanage for Rex.

In the last two weeks, Rex has learned to jump on the trampoline while holding on to the handle bars. He is also beginning to be very helpful when (un)dressing. He can take off an unzipped vest or jacket all by himself as well as finish taking off pants, shirts and socks after we get him started. When I put on his shoes now, he hands me his feet and he also pushes his arms through sleeves very well. We had not been working with a shape sorter for a long, long time because Rex wasn’t interested and because it didn’t seem like he was making any headway. Therefore, imagine my surprise when his OT brought one out this week and he was able to put the correct shapes into the right places. Smart little stinker who likes to hide his skills and knowledge sometimes! Rex is much better now at making small marks with a crayon or bingo dauber and not nearly as aversive to this activity as he used to be. In fact, he did such a nice job drawing the other day that I was able to turn his design into an Easter card for Oma.

Rex has learned to sign go which, for him, is a modified sign where he taps his right thigh with his right hand. We tried to come up with something very different from his other signs and it worked. He now signs go to get us to open doors, to go outside, to be taken out of his high chair after a meal, to get us to make toys go, and to go in the car. Rex can also sign swing now.

Rex can climb onto this shelf
where he likes to stand and sit
and sometimes watch the world go by.

Soaking wet sibs.

We continue to expose Rex to new foods and he often surprises us with what he likes. In the last two weeks, he ate Hunan tofu (tofu only, no veggies), but did not care for General Tso Chicken. He ate metts and brats off the grill, but did not enjoy pickles. He’s started eating whole almonds with sea salt for his afternoon snack sometimes. For a cleft-affected kid, he sure likes to crunch. He recognized a grape as food and stuck it in his mouth, but then spit it out. He ate nougat and loved it. And he’s totally into ice-cream now, too. And last night he met his first Skyline cheese coney and devoured it.

Rex also an uncanny ability to find the things that have been temporarily left un-child-proof. One day I forgot to push the lock button on the fridge after getting a drink and sure enough, a while later, I found a huge puddle of water on the floor. The doer had already fled the scene, but considering his shirt was drenched, he wasn’t able to make much of a case for his innocence. Another day I let Rex play with the door to the garage and before I knew it, he was half way down to the neighbors’ house pulling a big rake behind him. I guess I have to close the garage door now before I let him play with the door that connects the house and the garage.



Two weeks ago, Rex had never been on a slide.
Look at him go now.

The best part in the last two weeks has been that Rex has started leading me to the couch or the bed because he wants to sit and cuddle with me. I love that he is initiating this special time during which he makes wonderful eye contact and stays close. Yesterday, he motioned me to lie down next to him in his bed. When I did, he turned his face toward me, touched my cheek and said, “Mama.” This was a first and incredibly special moment, so it took all I had to keep from crying my eyes out with joy and gratitude. I don’t know if or when I’ll ever hear this word from him again, but now I am sure that he knows I love him and I am certain he loves me.

Overall, our three-year old Armenian angel is doing very well. He works hard and is steadily progressing toward more independence, communication, and social abilities. Go Rex!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Tomboy Tuesday

This morning I felt a little tired of all the pinks, purples, and yellows and decided to dress Emilia in some of her tomboy clothes. She was still cute as a button and totally pulled it off.

In true tomboy fashion, she watched her brother reorganize the garage for a while and then promptly joined him in the mayhem.

Gotta love those kids!

Picture Of The Day

Last night when we were getting the kids ready for bed, Emilia decided to examine Rex's belly button. This went on for quite a while.
And surprisingly, Rex didn't seem to mind as he was otherwise occupied.
Should I count this as her first time of playing doctor?

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Pleven Medical Fund Revisited

We are less than $500 away from the $30,000 mark to help the children at the Pleven baby house receive much needed medical care at Tokuda Hospital in Sofia. We have six days to go until the fundraiser ends. I know $30,000 is possible. Can you please spread the word and consider giving? Thank you.

P.S. And within an hour of me posting this entry, we crossed the $30,000 mark. Wow and thank you.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

The Why Of The Windows...

... as well as the doors...

In case you didn't guess, this is why it's currently impossible to keep my glass doors and windows clean below the four feet height mark.


Sigh.

Friday, March 23, 2012

A Day In The Life

At the moment, my typical day looks like this. Times are fluid to an extent, but generally accurate:

5:30 ~ I get up, check emails and adoption websites, send responses, post updates, blog, pack Craig's lunch and prepare the kids' breakfasts.

6:30 - 8:00 ~ The kids get up, eat, play, are changed, are dressed, are cuddled.

8:00 - 9:00 ~ We play.

9:00 - 11:00 ~ Ms. Rie is here to work with Rex. In the meantime, I try to practice speech and other skills with Emilia, make any necessary phone calls for the day, send more emails, get tasks related to orphan/adoption advocacy etc. completed, do housework, and cook.

10:30 - 11:30 ~ Lunches are prepared and served for the three of us. Kids are changed and we try to calm down for nap time.

12:00 - 2:00 ~ Nap time. Rex and I sleep in the kids' room while Emilia rests in the guest room in a pack and play. I don't actually know if she always sleeps, but she definitely has some quiet time with a few cuddle toys.

2:00 - 3:00 ~ We get up and have snacks. Kids are changed and we play.

3:00 - 5:00 ~ Ms. Tara is here to work with Rex. In the meantime, Emilia and I play, read, go for walks, or visit neighbors outside. I check things online, respond to emails, and prepare dinner.

5:00 - 6:30 ~ Craig comes home, dinners are served (sometimes not at the same time depending on how hungry the kids are), kitchen is cleaned up, we talk about our day.

6:30 - 9:00 ~ Family time, including walks, playing, cuddling, talking, baths, reading stories, sometimes watching a sitcom or catching up online.

9:00 ~ Bed time for the kids.

10:00 ~ Bed time for us.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

She Called Me Mama

Today was the first day that EmiliaToday Emilia called me Mama for the first time. And I don’t mean that she just articulated two random syllables, but that she used the word deliberately, conscious of who sshe meant: me. My heart skipped a beat when it happened because Mama in my family is a term of utter love and admiration.

For as far back as we know in my own Mama’s family, four generations of women have been called Mama by their children. Not Mutter or Mutti, but Mama which is so much more gentle and adoring. And these women to me have all been role models of strength, courage, and dedication. Between them, they survived two world wars, starvation and typhoid. Some became widows at young ages. They worked as cooks and servants and field hands. They were displaced by war and lost all their possessions, including their house which was burnt to the ground during battle. One suffered repeated physical abuse from her in-laws and another was denied a college education on the grounds that her voice was too quiet. They lived through half a dozen different regimes on German soil and used at least as many different currencies within ever-changing borders.

Left to right:
My Oma Margarete Lange
My Uroma Emma Krueger
My Great-Aunt Elsbeth Rex
(after all of whom our children are named)

A favorite picture of mine of my Mama

Despite it all, between the four of them, they raised ten daughters and two sons, me included, with selfless, loving guidance and devotion. Each of these children even as adults adore(d) their Mamas and reflect(ed) their upbringing in their life choices. Today my little Emilia in their choices. Today my daughter called me Mama and I will do whatever I can to prove myself worthy of the name, worthy of being added to this line of incredible women who came before me and whose examples will influence my own path of motherhood.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Meet "B"

Today I want to introduce you to a teenager who is looking for her forever parents. She is almost 14 years old and lives in one of my children’s birth countries. A family had committed to her, but then changed its mind. Could you or someone you know be her mom or dad?

B is described as a physically healthy child with no problems in neuro-psychic development. She is said to be vibrant, positive, energetic, well-intentioned, outgoing, and confident. She has a rich vocabulary and easily connects with those around her. She gladly participates in group activities, cultural events, and teamwork. B could use some help with her academic efforts and would benefit from a stable, supportive family environment where she can feel safe and protected.

B does not have much time left. If not adopted, in a few years she will age out of the orphanage. In that case, she will be alone and her future looks bleak. Sex or slave trafficking, prostitution, crime, drug use, suicide, and alcohol abuse are all on the horizon for her. She may not live to see her 20th birthday. Please do not let this be B’s fate. Spread the word about her and help me search for her forever family. She would make a wonderful daughter for those willing to open their hearts and home to her.

B’s international fees have been reduced to just 1000 Euros! For more details, including a full medical report, contact info@hopscotchadoptions.org.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Emilia - Seventeen Weeks Home

As of yesterday, Emilia has now been home with us for seventeen weeks.

As you may remember, two weeks ago Emilia got sick and had a very rough week. She was sleeping a lot and eating/drinking very little which resulted in a four pound weight loss. When Emilia was on the verge of hospitalization for dehydration, we took drastic measures at home to get her re-hydrated. We spent hours spooning liquids into her mouth under much protest from her, but it worked. After she took the initial 22 ounces, she started being interested in eating and drinking again and would even sit in her high chair for meals rather than having to be held like an infant. The last few days she’s met her daily caloric and fluid needs, but it will take a long time to bring her back up to 20 pounds. I think we need to buy a better scale for our home to monitor her weight between doctor’s visits.

Here she is watching her big brother.
She most certainly thinks he's totally awesome.

The upside of Emilia’s illness was that it helped us make a leap forward in attachment. My holding her and comforting her so much and sleeping with her at night must have assured her that I really am here to stay even through the tough times. Since Emilia has been feeling better, a number of people have noted a greater closeness between us and I feel it, too.

She's a master at taking off her shoes and socks.
One of her nicknames is one-sock-wonder.

Developmentally we have not made much progress due to the illness. Emilia continues to say hi and dada and to babble other sounds. She’s added the t- sound and the g-sound to her repertoire. She also for the first time voluntarily touched play dough and manipulated it some and she can work a few switches on this toy. Emilia played in the sand this weekend, but being on the grass was not her favorite. She’s doing a bit better now with attending to things like books or other focused tasks. Oh and she has a new tooth.

I am so glad that Emilia is feeling good again and back to her sweet, demanding, loving personality. Life was not the same without her laughter and hugs in it.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Spring Time On The Lane

Today we enjoyed a beautiful spring day in our neighborhood. The pictures tell it all, I think.

Rex making his first attempts at sliding.

Emilia loving the swing.

Harbingers of spring.

Since we're not likely to see a stork around here,
Emilia and I hung our martenitsi
into the blooming tree in front of our house today.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Rex - Thirty-One Weeks Home

Today marks thirty-one weeks home and thirty-three weeks out of the orphanage for Rex. The first of these last two weeks our family was sick though I will say that Rex held up the best. He has an amazing immune system and no nonsense approach to his priorities which are playing and romping about. Little did he care that the rest of us were in dire need of some quiet and relaxation.

Developmentally, Rex is taking a little break or at least so it seems, though there is always new stuff that he learns. He got a jack-in-the-box for his birthday and can now (ever so gently and sweetly) turn the handle all by himself until the bear pops out. He also got three spinning tops and he’s working very hard to learn to use them without assistance. He’s got the concept down, but needs to refine the motorics. Lastly, he has figured out how to turn the key throttle on one of his ride-on toys. It takes quite a good pincer grasp and pressure to do that, so I was happy when one morning I heard the vehicle starting and realized it was Rex doing it. All of these things might seem very minor to outsiders, but I know that eight months ago my baby boy could not even push a button, so it is all huge to me.

Now that he is three, Rex has been introduced to organic peanut butter and he loves it. It seems like I can hide things like mashed banana and applesauce in peanut butter on sandwiches and he eats it no questions asked. A spoonful of peanut butter also helps the oatmeal go down and, boy, does he ever go crazy over peanut butter stirred into ice-cream. He got that from his Mama. Rex enjoyed his first ever chicken wings with Craig this week and ate three bowls of homemade pumpkin and roasted tomato soup. I guess he missed my cooking while everyone was sick. It’s been slim pickings around here.

Starting this week, Rex will receive 21 hours of therapy per week through the end of June. The most expensive hours are fully funded through the special needs scholarship. He is doing 10 hours of what I call play and life skills therapy with Ms. Rie, an hour of OT with Ms. Kristen, 6 hours of ABA with Ms. Tara, and 4 hours of educational intervention with Ms. Katie. Talk about an overscheduled kid! Of course, therapy isn’t so bad when it includes playing in the warm spring rain and loving it, face to the sky and arms outstretched toward the heavens, laughing out loud. Oh how far my baby boy has come with sensory integration.

Over the last several days Rex has been extra joyful and loving. I don’t know if it’s the beautiful spring weather we are having or if he is reaching a new level of attachment, but he has been so sweet to me. He’s been cuddly even outside of naptime (he cuddles with his daddy all the time, but with me mostly at nap), he has been making incredible eye contact, he is watching my face when I speak, he comes up to my legs and leans on them, waiting for his head to be patted… It’s been quite wonderful and I am soaking up every minute of it while it lasts.

New List Of Confirmed Adopters - BLG

MOJ has released a new document that shows 50 confirmed adopters in order of registration who continue to wait actively for a referral. The earliest dossier listed is from October 2, 2006 and the newest from June 23, 2009, so the registrations from the second half of 2009 are not part of this statement. The youngest maximum age requested is 1 year, the oldest 8 years. Approximately two thirds of these dossiers request children of toddler age. Willingness for special needs is not indicated.

According to Google Translate, the list does not include:

1. Adopters who are in the process of motion for child and / or failure. In that period there are 46 record files in a proposal by WMO, of which 12 records a decision on entry in the register with a new number after deposited refuse and a record ahead decision by the WCO after deposited refuse. (I think this means there are 46 families registered by the end of June 2009 who have received a referral and are now in process of adopting that child. It sounds like some families declined their referrals and have been assigned new registration numbers for their continued wait.)

2. Adopters who have not confirmed the project during the previous year and / or expired permit for adoption / 21 records /. (These families may still be part of the wait line if they update their paperwork.)

3. Adopters who have requested the suspension of the project / 5 records /.

The good news is that it looks like there are only 50-71 families left who have waited anywhere from 5.5 years to 32 months. However, there are likely quite a few more registered dossiers from the second half of 2009 who have now waited upward of 24 months for a referral. I personally know some of those families as they were registered right around the time we were.

If you would like to view the original document, you can do so here:



Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Working Dad

May I just say that I love my husband so much? He is the most wonderful man to have by my side every single day. On Monday, he worked from home to take Emilia to the doctor and to help me with the many hours of re-hydration efforts. Do you see him here holding both kids while reading and sending work emails via his Blackberry? He is awesome!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Pleven Medical Fund

I would like to remind everyone that the fundraiser to provide medical care for the children at the large baby house in Pleven is continuing through the remainder of this month. Over $22,000 have been raised and I thank everyone who has contributed. Please spread the word as far and wide as you can. I know our social media are very powerful and hopefully we can find even more caring hearts who want to help these precious, defenseless, sick, and neglected children.

Shelley Bedford who called this fundraiser into being is in Bulgaria this week. She is meeting with the Tokuda Hospital team that is spearheading the medical care and setting up a variety of other aspects related to the medical fund. She has written an update about how the money will be spent. You can read it here:


Please give. Please share. Please stand up for the no longer forgotten children of the Pleven baby house.

IAC 210 Results

The following referrals were issued in IAC Session 210 held on 02/08/12:

1) Italian dossier from January 2009 referred a male child aged 2 years and 3 months with features in health status

2) Norwegian dossier from February 2009 referred a male child aged 2 years and 6 months

3) German dossier from March 2009 referred a male child aged 1 year and 4 months with features in health status

4) Canadian dossier from March 2009 referred a male child aged 3 years and 2 months

5) Italian dossier from September 2009 referred a female child aged 7 years and 2 months

6) U.S. dossier from March 2010 referred a biological brother and sister aged 2 years and 9 months and 1 year and 8 months with features in health status - dropped in the meantime received a waiver of adopters of the project

7) U.S. dossier from June 2010 referred twin brothers aged 1 year and 6 months with features in health status - dropped in the meantime received a waiver of adopters of the project

8) French dossier from October 2010 referred a female child aged 7 years and 11 months

9) U.S. dossier from November 2010 referred a biological brother and sister aged 9 years and 1 month and 7 years

10) Italian dossier from December 2010 referred a male child aged 8 years and 3 months

11) Italian dossier from January 2011 referred a female child aged 7 years and 11 months

12) Italian dossier from December 2011 referred a waiting child (#1566) with a profile on the MOJ site

13) U.S. dossier from February 2012 referred two waiting children (#1469 & #1103) with profiles on the MOJ site
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Please note: As stated in my post about special needs adoptions, most toddlers referred in this session, whether healthy or not, were matched with families who had waited just under 36 months for their referrals. In addition, I do not know what exactly happened with the two referrals that were dropped due to the poor quality of the translation. I assume that maybe the families had dropped out of the program before they knew they had these referrals or that they changed their parameters.

My Sick Baby Girl

Last week the Martini family collectively got sick. I don't know if it was from the waterpark which was, no doubt, crawling with germs or if it had something to do with the weather going from sunny 60s to icy winds with snow on the ground in the course of a day. Whatever it was, our household was hit with fevers, nasty coughs, runny noses, achiness, low appetite, tiredness... you get the picture. Of everyone, Rex held up the best. He caught a little extra sleep here and there, but other than that, went on playing and eating and being active, only occasionally rattled by a cough or a sneeze. He's my iron Armenian boy.

Emilia, on the other hand, was hit the hardest. She felt a little off for Rex's birthday party and then at the beginning of last week, she was running a fever and very tired. She slept off and on for about 48 hours, but continued to drink juices and eat purees. I wasn't pushing any more solid foods because I know when I have a fever, food is not a priority to my body. By Wednesday morning, Emilia's fever had broken and I thought she was on the mend. She started being more active again, but then the nasty cough did her in. Poor thing, it was painful to watch her be rattled all day long with coughing fits. I was still able to get her to take some fluids, but she really wasn't eating. I figured her throat hurt from coughing.

Well, starting on Friday, Emilia really lost her will to take anything by mouth. We spoon-fed her liquids through the weekend, but she was not happy about it at all. I could see the signs of dehydration in her, so Craig took her to our pediatrician yesterday. I was incredibly shocked when he called me from her office and said that Emilia had weighed in at 15.6 pounds. They weighed her twice to make sure the scale was working. On 2/17, she had weighed 19.7 pounds. I could not believe that she lost four pounds in a week.

The doctor's thought is that Emilia either has/had a viral or bacterial infection. She is taking antibiotics now just in case it's bacterial. She does have an ear infection of undetermined cause as well. When Craig left the doctor's office yesterday, he had strict orders to get 20 oz of liquid into Emilia before bed or she would have to be hospitalized. So, we spent our afternoon and evening spooning applesauce and peach puree and juice into Emilia's mouth. She was very unhappy with us while receiving her food, but feeling great in-between meals. To make a long story short, we got 22 ounces into Emilia, very painstakingly. Based on the doctor's various scenarios, this means that we have to get her to eat and drink at least 20 ounces again today and then we have to come back in tomorrow for a decision about hospitalization.

Everyone please send some good thoughts to Emilia to regain her will to eat and drink, so that she can stay out of the hospital. Thank you.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Let's Talk Special Needs Adoption

I have been mulling over this blog post for a long time because I think it is important to have a discussion about what is considered a special need in international adoption, specifically from Bulgaria. I am going to come right out and tell you that at the end of this post you will not have a definitive answer, but maybe some food for thought instead.

There are many different definitions of special needs. Parents, social workers, placing agencies, foreign partner agencies, and foreign governments all have their own views of what’s considered a special need. While some prospective adoptive parents might list needing glasses or having a food allergy as special needs they would accept or consider, these conditions may not even be on the radar of a foreign government in terms of special needs. On the other hand, being a member of a large, healthy sibling group that must be adopted together might be a special need in the eyes of that same government. A social worker may consider Down Syndrome a significant special need while the family hoping to adopt a child with just that extra chromosome might only think of his or her accompanying heart defect as a special need. A placing agency may tell you that children’s advanced age is sometimes their only special need and a foreign government may refer a child with repaired club feet as healthy.

When I meet new families now who are just starting their Bulgarian adoption journeys, they often tell me that they are open to mild and correctable/moderate special needs. Of course, what this entails for each of these families is hard to know. Our story went like this:

In our very first home study, our approval read as follows, “Craig and Viviane Martini are approved to adopt from Bulgaria one to two children of either gender between the ages of 0-36 months at the time of referral, preferably as young as possible, and in good health relative to orphanage care. The family might consider on a case by case basis a child or children who have some minor correctable needs, such as allergies, missing/fused fingers or toes, cleft lip, and needing glasses.” Looking back on it now, the only thing on this list that the Bulgarian MOJ would probably have considered a note-worthy special need is cleft lip/palate.

Later when we revised our parameters, the home study read, “The Martini family is approved to adopt up to two children of either gender as healthy as possible relative to orphanage care and with minor and correctable medical and emotional needs including, but not limited to, allergies, asthma, cleft lip/palate, club foot/hand, delayed development, diabetes, exzema, fused fingers and toes, Hepatitis A, hearing impairment, hernia, hypospadias, needing glasses, premature or smaller in size, between the ages of 0-36 months at the time of referral with a preference for a child 0-24 months from Bulgaria.”

At that point, MOJ had also created a special needs document we filled out. We said yes to the following conditions: child born of incest, child born of rape, jaundice, umbilical hernia, lactose intolerance, any scars from delivery, Mongolian spots, raised angioma, small nevuses and burn scars, blind in one eye, vision problems correctable with glasses or surgery, cleft lip/palate, ear infections, heart murmur, ASD, VSD, hernia, parasites, missing fingers or toes, webbed fingers or toes, asthma, allergies, bronchitis, pulmonitis, digestion problems, poor nourishment, controlled seizures, hypospadias, and anemia. We also said maybe/would consider to 50 other conditions. Once we had submitted our updated paperwork after a year’s wait, we were matched with Emilia within four months. Emilia has a heart defect (VSD), failure to thrive and significant developmental delays. We did not know until we brought her home that she also has a moderate milk allergy and is anemic. In addition, Emilia has some factors in her family history that could be of concern and might have deterred other families from accepting her referral.

As many of you know, I have the list of registered dossiers through the end of 2009 which at one point was accessible on the MOJ site. This list shows when a dossier was submitted, when registered, the country from which it came, as well as the number and maximum age of child(ren) requested. By my most recent count and unless these families have dropped out of the program, there are still 5 families waiting from 2006, 11 from 2007, and 24 families from 2008. I think it is safe to assume that they have requested fully healthy children who are developmentally on target and that there may even be an ethnic preference expressed in the requests. Unless dropped out, there are 34 families remaining who want to adopt two or more children and 183 families registered in 2009. It’s certain that the greater the number of children and the narrower your age and health parameters, the longer your referral wait.

I have read dozens of reports for kids matched through the main procedure and for waiting children. Some needs that I recall as being most frequently listed: mental illness/retardation in the family, mild/moderate mental delays/retardation in the child, moderate to severe speech delays, congenital diseases that are now cured, heart defects, strabismus, limb differences, hydrocephalus (with or without a shunt), spina bifida, short stature, epilepsy/seizures, premature birth, cerebral palsy, cleft lip/palate, and hearing impairment. Some children are described as having anomalies in the phenotype, but genetic testing came back with no issues. Quite often there are children who are physically healthy but noticeably delayed in development or children developmentally on target with physical disabilities.

So what is a special need? Obviously it depends who you ask, but in my opinion as an adoptive mother who has watched Bulgarian referral statistics very closely for the last two years, it would be foolish to submit a request to MOJ for a toddler with needs like glasses, a missing finger, or lactose intolerance and consider it a special needs adoption. However, a child with a correctable heart defect and developmental delays may be on the special needs radar of MOJ as would any child upward of seven years old. I don’t recommend to anyone that you indicate openness to special needs with which you are not comfortable. However, I do suggest that you educate yourself about what certain special needs might entail. Don’t just read the potentially scary Wikipedia entry, but also try to connect with parents who have children with a particular special need to see what it’s really like. You may be surprised. I also advise that you keep a realistic outlook on the referral wait you might expect, especially if you are just starting out on your adoption journey or are newly registered. Unless the process changes, for a healthy or nearly healthy Bulgarian toddler with few developmental delays, the wait seems to be at least 24 months now, sometimes closer to 36. For children with moderate, correctable or severe special needs and older children, the time to referral seems to be 12 months or less.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Consignment Palooza

Today I went to my favorite bi-annual children’s consignment sale at a local elementary school. You have to get up early to arrive when the doors open, but it’s worth it. Meanwhile, Craig and the kids met up with his cousin and his little boys for breakfast. I think they had a nice time doing some daddy talk and entertaining the kiddos.


As always, I came across some great finds at the sale.

Rex

2 short-sleeved shirts

2 long-sleeved shirts

3 pairs of shorts

1 pair of shorts overalls

1 pair of corduroy pants (looks brand-new)

1 jacket (looks like it was never worn)

Emilia

1 jacket

3 zip-up sweaters

4 pairs of shorts

1 skort

1 pair of pants

2 short-sleeved shirts

1 long-sleeved shirt

1 pair of tights

Some of these clothes are brandname (Gap, Carters, Children’s Place, etc.). I just can never believe the variety, quality and price you find at this sale. Anyway, I know you’re waiting for it… my grand total for this loot of clothing… $17.00.