A Rare Day Off

Monday, November 19, 2012

Challenge: 60 minutes home alone and a disasterously messy house

Prep: pull back hair and start episode of Gilmore Girls

Attack:

Unload dishwasher

Reload dishwasher and start

Hand-wash additional dishes

Fold three loads of laundry and put away

Send email to Rex’s therapists

Pick up living room

Process mail from 2 days

Victory: A cleaner home and time to relax with hubby

Challenge: 7 hours home alone with hubby

Prep: get back into pajamas and into bed

Attack:

Watch Downton Abbey

Eat Chinese food

Eat lots of chocolate

Take a nap

...

Victory: A relaxing “date” together, only the second one since Rex came home

And there's no way of knowing when a day like this might happen again, so we enjoyed it while we could.

Chuckling In Hindsight

The other day I was looking for something in our freezer chest.  I really had to dig deep and unintentionally  came across a ziplock bag marked as follows: "Chocolate Pecan Sweet Bread 6/11."

I immediately knew the story behind this frozen treasure.  When we were anxiously awaiting a court date for the adoption of Rex, I was trying to keep myself busy by preparing and freezing meals and snacks for the first weeks home.  I figured this would be such a helpful and handy preparation for those crazy busy days of settling in with a newly adopted toddler.

In hindsight, I had to laugh at myself.  While I thought in June 2011 that later that year I would have limited time to cook and bake, I had no idea that, in fact, I would have little time to even eat.  Plus, that summer I felt so on top of things, so ready for what was to come... I simply didn't have the slightest clue about how my life was going to change.

So, in November 2012 with a lot more wisdom under my belt, I enjoyed the delicious sweet bread I had baked 17 months earlier.  And yes, you'd better believe that I was eating it standing up, on the run, and/or balancing a child on my hip, chuckling all the way.

Thanksgiving 2012

I can hardly believe it, but this was our second Thanksgiving as a family of four which means all the holiday firsts are over.  Both kids have been home for upward of twelve months, so we have experienced an entire cycle of annual celebrations together.

Last weekend, we had a wonderful time with our dear friends who own The Burr House Bed and Breakfast in Northern Ohio.  They invited us for an early Thanksgiving and we gladly accepted.  They let us have our pick of all the rooms and then told us to rearrange the room however we needed to make it work for our family.  So, we blew up an air mattress, pushed the twin beds further apart to fit it in-between them, put up a toddler bed rail at the foot end and voila, we had a safe place for Rex to sleep while we each had a comfy bed.  Emilia had her pack'n play, so she was snug as a bug, too.

We spent our early Thanksgiving weekend talking, playing, shopping, cooking, reading, walking, watching TV, sleeping, fire side chatting, and of course, eating.  It's so nice to get away from home every once in a while and reconnect with old friends.

Little Amadea (and don't steal that name from me, I might use it some day)
couldn't get enough of playing the piano

Men around the fire

Our Thanksgiving at home on Thursday was very low key.  Craig's sister and our nephews came over and we enjoyed our non-traditional traditional feast of ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, green bean casserole, rolls, grilled sweet potatoes, and brownie hot fudge sundaes.  We watched some football and were so happy to see the cousins playing together in our sensory basement.  Even Rex got into the action with a game called Rexing Ball where Rex was being pushed around in the cuddle swing in every which direction and his cousins had to avoid getting (w)rexed.  I cannot tell you how many crazy giggles and shrieks of excitement this game caused in all participants.

Emilia had so much fun with her cousins and brother, too, when she was swinging and they were pretending to be knocked over by her.  Here's a little video of it:

http://youtu.be/7S5x_2pCveY

I am so thankful for all of these wonderful children, for their laughter ringing through our home, and for all that is yet to come in their lives.

Thankful For You

As we count our blessings today, I wanted to name some of those fellow adoptive parents who have shared our journey or we theirs, who have become supportive friends, and with whom we hope to continue and grow our special connection.

Amie, Elizabeth and Randy, Marina, Monique, Yvonne, Lori, Carrie & Tonya, Shelley, Beth, Michelle and Tony, Cherie and Dave, Molly, Maria, Stephanie and Warren, Donna and Barry, Katherine, Jennifer, Kim and Jason, Michele, Michele, Marriya, Sheila and Doug, Lindsey, Robin, Mary and Jim…

These are not all the wonderful people we have met since entering the world of international adoption, so if you don’t see your name here but think it should be, rest assured that it was merely an oversight, not a hint about where we stand ;).

Happy Thanksgiving to friends who make life a little brighter every day.

IAC 233 Results

The following referrals were issued in IAC Session 233 which was held on October 2, 2012:

1) Italian dossier from November 2008 referred a male child aged 5 years and 5 months

2) French dossier from July 2009 referred a male child aged 3 years and 8 months

3) Canadian dossier from July 2009 referred a male child aged 5 years and 9 months with features in health status and a family history

4) German dossier from August 2009 referred a male child aged 3 years and 9 months

5) Dutch dossier from September 2009 referred a female child aged 3 years and 9 months

6) Spanish dossier from October 2009 referred a male child aged 4 years and 10 months

7) Spanish dossier from October 2009 referred a male child aged 5 years and 10 months

8) Dutch dossier from November 2009 referred twin sisters aged 5 years and 4 months

9) Canadian dossier from February 2012 referred a female child aged 4 years and 4 months with features in health status

10) Italian dossier from May 2012 referred a male child aged 6 years and 2 months with features in health status and a family history

11) US dossier from July 2012 referred a male child aged 1 year and 10 months with features in health status

12) Italian dossier from September 2012 referred a male child aged 10 years and 2 months

13) US dossier from October 2012 referred twin brothers aged 3 years and 9 months with features in health status

Emilia - One Year Home

It has been one year today since Emilia arrived in the United States, one year of seeing her joy and spunk and sweetness emerge as we have tried to nurse and love her back from two years of little care at an orphanage.  Everything has been slow going with Emilia and I now understand that she suffered greatly with the shock of the transition to our family and, more importantly, was deeply wounded by what she experienced while institutionalized.  I know that some children are extremely resilient and can bounce back quickly, but we have learned that Emilia is different in the way she responds to change, to pressure, to life itself.  While on the outside she may appear like she's holding things together with ease, my instincts tell me that on the inside she struggles with many of life's daily demands and has a great need to feel safe and protected at any given moment.

That said, Emilia has done so well in the past twelve months as you will see in these pictures.  I haven't ever posted any of these photos from the first days home because in some ways they are painful to me.  Emilia was so malnourished and so traumatized that people looked at her and saw a sick and withdrawn infant.

When she arrived in the US at just two years old, Emilia weighed about 16 pounds and was 29 inches tall.  She wore 6-9 months clothing, some of which we had to take in at the waist.  Now she weighs around 25 pounds and is 32 inches tall, fitting comfortably into a 2T.  She was then in a size 2 diaper and now we use size 4.  She used to comfort herself by rocking, grinding her teeth, and clicking her mouth.  All of these behaviors have vanished.  The last bastion of self-soothing is thumb-sucking which may be with us for a while and that's okay.

As a new daughter and sister, Emilia stayed to the sidelines all the time. She made few demands beyond food and could not communicate.  I don't even think that she wanted to communicate as she seemed to feel that nothing would come of the effort.  She did not respond to her Bulgarian name or any forms thereof, but now knows that she is Emilia.  She has even earned herself the nickname of Peepers because of the funny bird sounds she sometimes makes when she is very excited.

Emilia used to hide under tables, pillows, blankets and behind chairs.  She was always quietly in the corners of our home and our life.  We had to draw her in if we wanted her to participate.  Now Emilia is center stage almost all the time.  She wants attention and she knows how to get it.  Her babble and laughter fill the rooms of our house.  She still only says and signs a few words, but her face speaks volumes.

When Emilia joined our family, we did not know that she was severely anemic and allergic to dairy.  She had dark circles under her eyes, pale skin, brittle nails, and only half of her baby teeth had come in.  She must have been in chronic pain from digestive problems and had little energy to do anything.  She slept poorly, too.  Now we have a child who loves food and sleeps soundly through the night. Her hair has grown five wild inches and she constantly receives compliments on her beautiful skin.  Her nails are sharp (much to my ouch) and she is a bundle of activity all the time.  Sitting still is no longer in her repertoire.

When she first came home, Emilia was a scared and sad child who simply observed.  Her smiles and hugs were survival strategies that did not stem from true happiness or attachments.  Now, Emilia radiates sincere joy.  Her eyes and her face light up in such an incredible way when her heart is full that it just takes my breath away.  When she interrupts a favorite activity and leans over to give me a spontaneous kiss, my mama cup runneth over.  She now knows the safety and love of a family and her walls of distrust, insecurity and doubt are steadily crumbling.

Emilia's delays are still great and it will take her a long time to catch up, but I believe that she has begun her healing which will be the foundation for any progress and success in the future.  She is a wonderful daughter and a blessing to our lives.  We love you forever, sweet girl.

Nap Time Pals

Sweetness that needs no words.

Seed Money For Maria - Last Day

We have reached the final 24 hours of the Seed Money for Maria fundraiser which will close tomorrow, November 16 at 8:00 am Eastern Standard Time.  Thus far we have raised $100 for Maria's agency grant.  Thank you to everyone who has made a donation to help Maria find her forever family.

I still have some of all seeds available, so please contact me at viviane 8 @ yahoo dot com if you wish to make a contribution in exchange for organic herb/vegetable seeds.

Together Forever Day - Part 2

Since I was not able to make a slideshow for Emilia's Together Forever Day, I decided to at least do some side by side photos taken respectively on November 14, 2011 and today, November 14, 2012.

Take a look at our Bulgarian blessing then and now:

Emilia is wearing the exact same dress. The tights are the same pattern, but a bigger size and the shirt underneath is a larger size as well.  And yes, I know she is standing on a shelf.  I couldn't get her to hold still for a photograph, so I resorted to playing one of her favorite songs on youtube which I knew would make her momentarily stationary so I could snap a half way decent comparative shot.

To celebrate our special anniversary with Emilia, we went out to breakfast.  We don't eat at restaurants often, so Emilia was completely fascinated by the entire experience.  Of course, she was a stinker when we wanted to memorialize the occasion with a photo, so here's what we got.

Look for one more commemorative entry to come next week around the anniversary of our homecoming.

November 14, 2011 - Together Forever Day

One year ago today, I picked up Emilia from her orphanage to join our family forever.  I wish I could make a beautiful slide show of that day with videos and photos like I did for Rex.  Sadly, there are only a handful of pictures and not a single video.

Nonetheless, I remember the day well.  I was picked up from our apartment in Sofia at 6:00 am and directed to take my seat on the back bench of a van.  The middle row had already been claimed by an Italian couple on their way to meet their son.  Craig and Rex stayed behind because we did not think that it was a good idea to subject Rex to 14 hours on the road.  

We headed east as dawn slowly broke.  I was still jet-lagged and tried to sleep, stretched across the bench, but I could feel every bump in the road as we drove through the mountains.  I skipped the first pit stop for breakfast, but decided to get out of the van at the second stop.  I walked into the gas station to use the restroom, but was so disoriented that I actually bumped into a table.  Our translator caught me or I might have fallen.

We pushed on and finally I began to recognize where I was.  We had been driving for over six hours and I knew that Dobrich was not far now.  While we passed small villages that I had seen in spring glory during our first trip to Bulgaria, it began to snow, a wet, icy snow accompanied by a biting wind.  The fields were dusted quickly.  

When we reached Dobrich, we first dropped off the Italian couple at their hotel, the same place we had stayed seven months earlier.  I remembered everything: the beautiful park, the restaurants, the way to the orphanage. Finally it was time to see Emilia again.  When we arrived at the children's home, we were told that Emilia was napping.  Since our driver needed to head out and pick up our food donation from a large club store, I told the caregivers to let her sleep.  I sat and waited in the same small, stuffy room that had been the place of our daily visits in the spring.  I am notorious for not wearing a watch, so I have no idea how much time passed, but after a while I was asked to meet with the doctor and social worker in an office.  There they went over Emilia's medical with me again and answered a few questions that I had.

When I returned to the visitation room, Emilia was up and dressed in the outfit I had brought for her.  I was taken by surprise, I was not ready.  Emilia had learned to walk and when she saw me, she walked into my arms, smiling.  My breath was taken away by how beautiful she looked.  After a few minutes of marveling at my new daughter, I asked if her caregivers could gather for a photo.  Here's one of only three or four that were taken:

This is Emilia with the orphanage social worker:

Much of these minutes at the orphanage are a blur to me.  I handed out gifts to the caretakers and tried to pose for some photos.  I asked a few questions and one caregiver told me in English, "She's a nice one."  Our driver had my camera, but I think he was in a big hurry to get back on the road to make the long drive to Sofia.  Dark would fall again soon, so he rushed our departure.  I remember bundling Emilia into her coat and hat and carrying her into the frosty, wet afternoon.  She was so light and so frail in my arms and I wanted a photo in front of the orphanage as we left, but our driver was already at the car and ready to go.

On the way home we made just one stop for gas and I changed Emilia's diaper on top of a toilet in a frigid gas station bathroom.  She sat on my lap in the van and slept for a few hours early in the drive.  When she woke up, I offered her a drink and she took some.  I also fed her some puree... no car seat to hold her while I was doing it.  Night fell when we were heading through the mountains again.  There were lights here and there from oncoming cars or villages and Emilia was fascinated by them.  She sat in the seat and looked straight out of the front of the car.  Suddenly, our driver had to break without warning and Emilia was thrown like a doll from the seat and flew forward.  I picked her up as fast as I could.  She didn't cry or shed a single tear.  I think she was just in shock throughout the entire ride.  She was quiet as a mouse and outwardly calm as could be.

We arrived back in Sofia around 8:30 pm.  I couldn't wait for Craig to see his daughter again and introduce Rex to his sister.

Here are a few photos from that evening at the apartment.  I think Craig and I were simply too exhausted to remember to take any videos.  I had been traveling for 14 hours and Craig had nursed Rex through one of his famous one day bugs.  Neither of us was functioning at full capacity.

Some day I think I will have to apologize to Emilia for the poor documentation of this momentous day.  I hope she will understand why things were so topsy-turvy and know that our Together Forever Day was no indication of our ability or dedication as her parents in the years to come.

November 12, 2010

Two years ago today, our first family photo was taken at a hillside orphanage in Yerevan, Armenia.

That morning I spent an unforgettable half hour holding my little boy.  Much to his caregivers' surprise, he sat with me, he leaned on me, he looked at me, studied my face and I his.  Something so big, so amazing was happening in those moments and everyone in the room could feel it.  "That's his mama," the caregivers said. And so it is, so it always shall be.

Therapists Appreciation Lunch

On Thursday we held the first quarterly appreciation lunch for the therapists of the preschool program Rex attends. There are fourteen children in the class who work with seven behavioral therapists, one speech therapist, one occupational therapist, and one supervisory therapist.  All of these women do a wonderful job with the children in their care.  It's not always easy, but there's a genuine dedication to the children's well-being and success.

Parents organized a potluck with two entrees, drinks, a veggie tray, bread and two desserts.  Nothing fancy, but certainly made with love and given with grateful hearts.

I contributed this chocolate cake which was a big hit.  My cake holder came back home empty save for a few crumbs.

I also made a small gift bag from us parents for each therapist which included these items.

We plan to hold our next appreciation lunch in January.  I truly enjoy recognizing those who are making a positive difference in the life of my family.  Thank you, ALC team.

Seed Money for Maria

As some of you may remember, I have advocated for a little girl named Maria several times.  Maria is 8 years old and described by those who know her as a kind and inquisitive child.  She gladly completes her school work and already fluently speaks two languages, one of them English.

Maria has spina bifida and is wheelchair-bound.  She also receives care for chronic UT conditions.

Maria has been living in a small, private orphanage in Eastern Europe which is run more like a home than an institution.  She has seen two of her best friends adopted in recent years and wishes for a family of her own.

This fundraiser is intended to collect seed money for an agency grant for Maria.  This grant will be given to the family who registers with Maria for adoption after meeting her in her hometown to assist with adoption fees.  If no family commits to this lovely girl, the grant money will eventually be used to further Maria's education in her country.

Now how do I hope to raise some seed money?  By selling seeds, of course.  I have been tending a small, suburban organic garden for over a decade.  I always buy my seeds from certified organic suppliers, but over the years have also learned to harvest my own seeds for the next year.  This year I collected a lot seeds which I would like to share with those of you who love to grow vegetables and herbs or are looking for a stocking stuffer for gardening friends.

I have three packets each available of the following organic seeds:

Forest Green Parsley
12-18 in. Hardy Biennial

Finely-curled, compact, garnishing and bunching variety. High in amino acids, aspartic, and glutamine. Long stems bear dark-green, double-curved leaves. It is nutritious raw or as a seasoning.

Cherry Radish
1-2 in. Hardy Annual

A tasty, round, brilliant red radish with crisp white flesh. Tolerant of poor soils and resists pithiness even in dry, hot weather.  May be planted and harvested all summer long.

Mustard Greens

Spicy and hot when fresh, the vibrant green, deeply frilled, finely cut leaves mellow when cooked.  Upright plants do not bolt in the heat as quickly as most others.  Harvest as baby greens for salad and braising mix when mature.

Garden Sage
Heirloom

Hardy Perennial

Classic sage has been grown for centuries as a culinary herb (2-3").  The fragrant leaves are used fresh or dried for seasoning.  Abundant purple flowers attract bees.  USDA Zones 5-9.

I am not going to put a price on these seeds, but rather allow you to set your own in accordance with what you feel led to contribute to Maria's grant fund.  If you are interested in buying a packet or two, please email me at viviane8 at yahoo dot com and I will provide you with a (paypal) address.  If you send  your donation directly to the agency representing Maria, it will be tax deductible.  Whatever is easier for you works for me.

This is a great way to make a difference for one little girl during National Adoption Month, so please consider being a part of this fundraiser.  And if you are interested in adopting this sweetheart, please contact info@hopscotchadoptions.org.  Photos and video are available.

What's New With Rex?

Another month of preschool has passed for Rex and we are very pleased with his progress.  Rex has mastered certain goals from his treatment plan, such as performing ten object imitations, identifying me in a photo by touching where I am, rolling a ball back and forth with an adult across five feet, and walking up the stairs upright only holding an adult’s hand.  He is now working on gross motor imitations, identifying body parts, receptive labeling of objects/people, matching, and verbal imitations.  Rex is slowly learning how to ride a tricycle and more quickly picking up the skill of propelling himself forward while lying down on a scooter board.  His muscle tone is still low all the way through his arms and hands, so these kinds of tasks require him to build up his strength as well as his coordination.

Rex has been doing incredibly well with circle time and other opportunities where he must remain in one place and pay attention to a group activity.  In recent weeks he has sat for as long as 17 minutes during circle time without being disruptive to others or trying to evade the activity. I am especially proud of him for this accomplishment because I know that 17 minutes is a long time for any three-year old.

Ready for school

In occupational therapy Rex is doing a good job kicking a ball (he prefers his right foot for it) and catching a ball.  Rex used to not even raise his arms in preparation for an approaching ball, and now he usually catches it in the majority of trials when thrown from about two feet away.

We are working on teaching Rex three new signs: play, work, and cookie (to encompass all sweet treats not from a spoon).  He seems to be picking the signs up rather quickly.  He continues to say “go” and has added a new word to his vocabulary which is “in.”  He says that mostly to get access to a big box of pebbles that he likes for digging.

Love him!

At home we see Rex playing more appropriately with toys: spinning tops, stacking pegs, rolling cars, etc.  At school they tell us that he parallel plays with his classmates and even seems to have one special new friend with whom he likes to sit side by side or lie side by side.

In a rather unexpected twist, Rex has been increasingly sweet and loving toward me over the last several weeks.  He has been giving me hugs and showering me with giggles that used to be reserved only for his daddy.  He is also doing much better allowing me to pet or kiss his cheeks.  Sometimes it looks like he might even enjoy it.  And Rex has been bringing me some of his favorite toys in an attempt to share and show his love.  When the stars align and he is able to call me mama, he is so very proud of himself.

Our growing boy

Lastly, we see very little tantrum behavior now.  I think we just had one major one in the last month.  Unfortunately Rex still does a little head-banging, but it tends to be a very short signal for help and ends as soon as we meet his need.  Meanwhile, Rex no longer hits himself at all.  And thankfully his window banging has stopped as well (you may remember that he broke two windows this summer to the tune of over $700 in replacement costs).

Rex has been very happy and very joyful for the last several weeks.  He understands the routines of our life and seems to be thriving in them.  He seeks and expresses love in his own wonderful ways.  We are thankful every single day to have him as our son.

IAC 232 Results

The following referrals were issued in IAC Session 232 which was held on September 25, 2012:

1) Spanish dossier from July 2009 referred a female child aged 3 years and 2 months

2) French dossier from July 2009 referred a male child aged 1 year and 7 months

3) Spanish dossier from July 2009 referred a female child aged 2 years and 10 months

4) Spanish dossier from July 2009 referred a male child aged 4 years and 4 months

5) Italian dossier from July 2009 referred a female child aged 4 years and 6 months

6) German dossier from July 2009 referred a female child aged 2 years and 1 month

7) Italian dossier from August 2009 referred a male child aged 5 years and 6 months

8) French dossier from August 2009 referred a male child aged 6 years

9) Italian dossier from September 2010 referred a female child aged 4 years and 8 months with features in health status

10) French dossier from November 2010 referred a male child aged 2 years and 2 months with features in health status and a family history

11) French dossier from December 2011 referred a male child aged 3 years and 1 month with features in health status and a family history

12) US dossier from September 2012 referred a waiting child (#1790) with a profile on the MOJ site

13) US dossier from September 2012 referred two waiting children (#1766 & #1778) with profiles on the MOJ site

14) US dossier from September 2012 referred a waiting child (#1282) with a profile on the MOJ site