We were prepared for a lot of adjustment issues, but thus far, they simply haven't happened. Here is a list of what we thought might be areas posing difficulties and how things are going.
1) Grooming and personal hygiene: Ella loves to take baths and get her hair washed. She'd do it twice a day if it were up to her. She's also into brushing teeth and we help her with that three times a day as her dental health is not very good and she needs to see a dentists as soon as possible. Ella allows me to trim her nails and fix her hair without any problems... other than the fact that I am not very good at handling her beautiful, thick mane. Ella is completely independent with going to the bathroom and even does a great job washing her hands afterward without reminders.
2) Food: Ella does not, unlike so many kids who have spent years in orphanage care, eat without stopping. However, she does either get overwhelmed by the selection, wanting to try everything in sight, or is picky, refusing to eat what is served. Her favorite foods so far are a variety of fresh fruit, soup and spaghetti. When Ella gets full, she starts to play with her food. For example, she pours juice over her toast on a plate and sloshes it around without giving it a second thought. So, for right now, we are watching her closely and removing her leftovers when she starts playing with her dishes. We also keep all food and especially liquids out of her reach during non-meal times as she is prone to grab something, take a bite/ sip and then just play with it. Table manners will be an area of focus as soon as Ella gains more language.
3) Sleep: Ella sleeps well. Things got a little mucked up with jetlag, but now, Ella sleeps soundly through the night and takes a short nap after lunch. She shares a room with Emilia and has not given us any push back on nap or bedtime since the first few days in our family.
4) Unnecessary roughness: Based on my own observations and from what I have heard, affection at the orphanage is a lot harsher than what a child would experience in a family. Hence, Ella is a little rough when she wants to show us her love. Her fine motor skills are pretty good, so this issue is not related to an inability to be gentle, but rather to what she has known to be the proper way to display her affections. Rex tends to defend himself when Ella comes to love on him, but we have to protect Emilia a bit until we can teach Ella to be more gentle. She's already improving.
5) Mothering: Ella was one of the oldest and certainly the highest functioning child in her group. She is very much used to helping other children as well as to boss them around. She has been trying to use this approach in her relationship with Emilia. Fortunately, Emilia will tell her no and reject most of her overtures, but Ella is pretty persistent, so we have to intervene sometimes. We are trying to help Ella understand that she no longer needs to mother as this is the job of us parents. We also want her to see that Emilia can and wants to do things for herself and that they are equals as sisters, each with her own strengths and weaknesses and ability to help the other learn.
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6) Attachment: Ella is an affectionate child who spontaneously showers us with hugs and kisses. She likes to sit close to me and snuggle. She's a little timid with Craig still, but getting more open to having a daddy every single day, especially for roughhousing. Ella seeks our approval and help and is becoming more cooperative all the time. At the moment, Ella prefers to have me in her sights and if that's not the case, she calls out for me from time to time to make sure I am still there. She also likes to run through the list of family members several times a day to understand where they are and what they are doing (Daddy and Rex bye-bye, Mama no bye-bye or Emilia sleeping, Rex school, Daddy work, Oma Germany). Ella does feel like she has to vie for my attention with Emilia which is a little stressful for me, but I know she will learn soon that there's enough love to go around for everyone. Of course, we are not fooling ourselves into thinking that after a month home Ella is securely attached to us, but she certainly is working very hard toward this goal.
7) Obedience: This has definitely been our toughest area, especially in the first week or so. Ella is a smart girl and has been testing the limits. She threw one massive tantrum in Yerevan in the middle of a busy shopping street (all of it over sitting down to eat a donut), kicking, screaming, hitting, hurling snot and spit, crying, and attempting to make herself vomit. It lasted twenty minutes and Craig and I sat calmly by, occasionally reminding her that when she settled down and chose to sit, she could have her donut. What Ella couldn't know is that we'd already been down this road times one hundred with Rex, so we weren't rattled by her behavior.
Ella readily understands what's permissible and what's not, but she she tries to get away with stuff on a regular basis, checking what our reaction will be. Now, we're not talking anything major here - think taking off her jacket while playing outside after having been told repeatedly to wear it or slamming doors just for fun. I don't have any experience, but I am guessing some of this is normal Kindergartener behavior. Still, Craig and I are working very hard to be consistent with the rules and boundaries of life in our family, so that Ella can quickly learn what's expected and feel safe in this knowledge. She does seek our approval and relishes in praise when she makes good choices.
8) Language: After four weeks in our family, here’s a partial list of words that Ella uses freely in English already. This also gives you a glimpse into how she has been spending her time.
Apple, orange, grapes, kiwi, banana, icecream, toast, soup, water,
cold, hair, Kindle, eat/eating, finished, up, down, sleep/sleeping/time to
sleep, no, yes, more, about a dozen
colors, all major body parts, mama, daddy, Oma, Rex, Emilia, Belli, car, sit, I
want, sorry, swing/swinging, chair, numbers to ten, outside, snowflake,
rainbow, balloon, bubble, toothbrush, bathroom, cat, dog, cut, glue, about a
dozen animals, one time – two times – three times –etc., first [this]- then
[that], my turn/ [someone else’s] turn, hi, bye-bye, faster, nice, good,
pretty, very, diaper, diaper change, poopy, peepee, yummy, and, help, jeans,
shoes, boy, girl, night-night, stinky, not, no more, bus, fork, spoon, table, cup, bed, Cinderella, come on, wait/waiting, school, work, big, small, thank you, jump/jumping, doctor, upstairs, downstairs, okay.
Ella is using sentences like, "I want telephone daddy" and "Daddy, I am coming" and "Emilia is almost finished" and "Mama, I want water." She can sing the words to about half a dozen children's songs in English and also has lines memorized already from Frozen, The Jungle Book, and Cinderella. She answers simple questions and follows instructions such as go to the bathroom and get Rex's diaper.
9) Grief: In the first four or five days with us, Ella's grief manifested itself in her looking through her photos and albums from the orphanage several times a day. She'd name the people in the pictures for us and tell us about them in Armenian. Ella also spent a good amount of time watching videos of herself at the orphanage. In less than a week, we saw this behavior taper off and Ella gradually stopped looking through her orphanage memories until she'd go to the bag holding everything about once or twice a day, simply checking that her things were still there, but not taking them out. Since coming home, Ella has had access to her memory bag all the time, but I don't think I have seen her even take notice of it once. It simply waits in its spot for her to reach when she wishes. She also stopped watching the videos of herself at the orphanage. Currently, Ella's grief seems to show when she sits down quietly and begins to sing Armenian songs to herself which happens a few times a week. These songs are beautiful and soulful and a very fitting expression of what she may be missing and how she may be feeling. We know that grief comes in waves and are prepared for it to wash over Ella with renewed force at any time, but for the moment, it appears to be largely at bay.
As you can see, the first month with Ella has been wonderful, a very smooth transition. We realize that this may still be the infamous honeymoon period and that Ella could start exhibiting more challenging behavior at any time. But for now, we are simply thankful for how well she has adjusted, for how much and how quickly she is learning, and for the happiness she's added to our lives.
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*Sorry there haven't been many pictures. I forgot my camera in Yerevan and won't have it back until the end of the month, so it's been difficult to document Ella's first days here at home.
Ella is using sentences like, "I want telephone daddy" and "Daddy, I am coming" and "Emilia is almost finished" and "Mama, I want water." She can sing the words to about half a dozen children's songs in English and also has lines memorized already from Frozen, The Jungle Book, and Cinderella. She answers simple questions and follows instructions such as go to the bathroom and get Rex's diaper.
9) Grief: In the first four or five days with us, Ella's grief manifested itself in her looking through her photos and albums from the orphanage several times a day. She'd name the people in the pictures for us and tell us about them in Armenian. Ella also spent a good amount of time watching videos of herself at the orphanage. In less than a week, we saw this behavior taper off and Ella gradually stopped looking through her orphanage memories until she'd go to the bag holding everything about once or twice a day, simply checking that her things were still there, but not taking them out. Since coming home, Ella has had access to her memory bag all the time, but I don't think I have seen her even take notice of it once. It simply waits in its spot for her to reach when she wishes. She also stopped watching the videos of herself at the orphanage. Currently, Ella's grief seems to show when she sits down quietly and begins to sing Armenian songs to herself which happens a few times a week. These songs are beautiful and soulful and a very fitting expression of what she may be missing and how she may be feeling. We know that grief comes in waves and are prepared for it to wash over Ella with renewed force at any time, but for the moment, it appears to be largely at bay.
As you can see, the first month with Ella has been wonderful, a very smooth transition. We realize that this may still be the infamous honeymoon period and that Ella could start exhibiting more challenging behavior at any time. But for now, we are simply thankful for how well she has adjusted, for how much and how quickly she is learning, and for the happiness she's added to our lives.
*Sorry there haven't been many pictures. I forgot my camera in Yerevan and won't have it back until the end of the month, so it's been difficult to document Ella's first days here at home.
