Self-Determination

Emilia is very petite for her age.  At 10 years old, she weighs 52 pounds and is about 50 inches tall.  She also has a severe speech impairment that makes verbal expressions challenging.  People look at her and see a much younger child.  Many assume that she does not understand our world.  Yet, this girl is one of the most observant and contemplative children I know and she never misses even the tiniest details in her surroundings.  She commits her experiences into a deep, rich store of memories which she processes and from which she draws continuously.

In recent months, we have been happy to see Emilia gather the confidence to express more about who she is as a preteen.  In April, she let us know that she was ready to grow out her bangs and about two weeks ago she decided she wanted to cut her hair much shorter.  She insisted until we finally made her an appointment with our trusted and wonderful Miss Kelly.

She's obviously filled with joy by her choice and new look...

Even though I loved her long hair and her bangs, self-determination is an important next step for our daughter and we want support it whenever possible.  

Father's Day 2020

Happy belated Father's Day to the best there is!

In an ordinary day of parenting, pandemic or not, this dad makes breakfast smoothies and dessert hot fudge sundaes, kisses boo-boos, teaches home school math, helps with tooth brushing and baths, wears wigs and costumes as requested, jumps on the trampoline, unloads the dishwasher, sings and dances, creates hairdos, takes everyone where they need to be, repairs toys and many other things around the home, snuggles, cleans up bodily excretions, co-regulates, hands out compliments and advice, listens so well, and loves beyond measure.  We'd never ever want to do life without him.

Friends From Hard Places

The earliest ties of children who spend time in institutional care are often with the peers that share their circumstances.  These bonds are complicated and forged around personal survival, trauma, and other complex human issues.  Therefore, if children with such attachments to one another leave the orphanage setting, it may be difficult for them to maintain these relationships at all or to improve the health of the relationship in light of the changed conditions for one or both.

My daughter struggles to define her own connection with another child whom she used to describe as her sister.  They were so close for six years that they hid together when it came time to say goodbye.  For years, my child experienced something like survivor's guilt over being adopted while her friend remained behind and pleaded with us often to add her friend to our family.  And yet, when this first friend finally also joined her own adoptive parents in the US, the relationship became even more confusing.  With regular contact now possible, my daughter found it difficult to align her new American girl self with her former orphan self.  Memories floated to the surface and were pushed down again at the expense of healing the attachment.  Old loyalties and new priorities were in question and at odds.  Language was a barrier.  Distance, while reduced, continues to be an obstacle.

Cognitively, my child realizes the value of this friendship because no one else in the world can understand and share her first six years more than this single individual.  No one can take away what these girls experienced together and how they supported each other through a fraught early childhood.  Emotionally, however, maintaining the relationship is taxing, because it requires, in part, a sustained and voluntary psychological return to the place and time which hurt each of them so deeply that they will carry the scars forever.  Still, we press on in the hope that the future will bring healing and a renewed closeness for them both.

COVID-19 Diaries Week 9

Day 57 May 9 - I have decided that this will be my last week of the detailed diaries because Friday is the kids' last day of school and they'd be home with me thereafter even without a pandemic and because our state will be 90% back open by the end of this week.  There's a new normal descending on our lives and I am sure it will be featured in our family blog in ways other than the Covid-19 diaries.  We set a record for coldest temp on May 9 today at 28 degrees.

The new normal

Day 58 May 10 - It's Mother's Day and many of you know that I would gladly skip all holidays because they are the hardest days of the year for my kids and rarely feel anything but stressful.  Today was no different.  I appreciated the gifts and cards and take out dinner, but would have traded it all for three little humans who didn't feel out of sync from the pressures of the holiday.

Day 59 May 11 - A very regular day of school work and house work and "work work."

Artwork by Ella

Day 60 May 12 - We got our first CSA local farm box today. Among other yummy veggies, it included three kinds of fresh greens that made for a fragrant and delicious dinner salad.

Day 61 May 13 - I forgot to type my note at the end of the day and now I already don't recall yesterday's happenings which I guess means this was not a memorable day.  Sometime this week though we learned that Craig will continue to work from home until at last July 6.

Day 62 May 14 - Finally a warm day again, so we let the kids go to town with the sprinkler after their school work was complete. Spring lunches and dinners are so good.

Day 63 May 15 - Today was the last day of third grade for my virtual twins.  We had an art day to keep it light and fun.  I went to Lowes to pick some plants/seeds for my garden after the last frosts of the season passed earlier in the week.  Our neighbor brought a basket of freshly harvested greens which turned into a yummy lunch salad.  And we got pizza for dinner to celebrate the end of the school year.

Fashion design by Emilia

COVID-19 Diaries Week 8

Day 50 May 2 - 50 days at home and other than on foot for walks, I have been out of the house only one single time and I don't remember for what purpose.  Sometimes I wonder what it will feel like for me when I do step into a community setting again.  Today was a gorgeous day with some hours spent poolside, barbecue, and all the winter coats getting washed and put away.  Our front door baby birds were gone from the nest this morning, off into the world.

Day 51 May 3 - Torrential rains and it never really got light out all day.  We cleaned the house and spent the afternoon reading, lazing, and watching TV.  Ella and I started on the old PBS series Colonial House.

Day 52 May 4 - We have a new bird's nest under our patio roof.  Another three babies and one just hatched.  We enjoyed the sunshine today and took the kids on a walk/bike ride - Emilia was so thrilled to be allowed to ride her bike outside of our street and she rode for well over a mile.

Day 53 May 5 - Our weather has been so variable lately and it's confusing the kids, I think.  One day they can swim and the next day they need jackets.  Today we did school and had a surprise to the girls 6 feet apart visit with Ella's BFF.

Day 54 May 6 - Nothing special to report except that Craig drove and got me some of the Krispy Kreme limited time offer lime donuts.  They are good, but these donuts were much smaller than usual, so...

Day 55 May 7 - A no school day for the two littles due to many work commitments by the parents.  Weather was great, so outside time was helpful and plentiful.  I made muffins to eat now and cinnamon rolls to freeze until Sunday and then a bread in the bread machine because we weren't going to make it to the store today after all.  And Craig hurt his ankle on the trampoline.

Day 56 May 8 - With much effort, we got the school work done today and Craig hobbled through the store to get our groceries.  I cooked ahead all the weekend's meals and then deep cleaned the kitchen including polishing the cabinets.  I don't plan to do much more than microwave for the next 48 hours.  Don't nobody else mess with this spic and span kitchen.

Covid-19 Diaries Week 7

Day 43 April 25 - It was a bad day.  The end.

Day 44 April 26 - A rainy day, a clean-up day, a buttermilk pancake day.  Nothing much happened in these four walls.

Day 45 April 27 - We had another music day for school today and after just a few times listening, Emilia was able to hum the familar notes of Fuer Elise.  We also used molds and kinetic sand to make in miniature some of the world's famous buildings, talked a little about them, and then looked up the corresponding countries on the world map.  Weather was lovely, so lots of backyard time, too.  Our governor announced today the first phases of the state's re-opening, but urges all for whom it is possible to continue to shelter-at-home and follow all social distancing guidelines.

Day 46 April 28 -  With temps near 80 degrees today, the girls took the season's first plunge into the pool.  We also got a lot of school work completed and baked blondies and jumped on the trampoline several times.

Day 47 April 29 - Much cooler today with rain plus multiple work commitments for Craig and me, so it was a no school day. Curry for dinner (yes, we love curry) and a lot of preteen 'tude and messes everywhere - so really, not much new.

Day 48 April 30 - We had a really productive day with home school and also with our jobs as well as did laundry and freshly cleaned the master bath.  I am feeling pretty accomplished today.  A Stay Safe Order was implemented until May 29 which still restricts what we can do despite some of the economy opening up over the next four days.

Day 49 May 1 - Happy May Day!  Emilia's epic IEP meeting finally came to an end today, but another meeting regarding compensatory education is scheduled.  Our district just announced that they will be ending the school year four days early on May 15, so that means we only have 10 more days of mandatory schooling to complete with Rex and Emilia and then I will be able to focus on goals and skills that we consider most meaningful for them in the coming months.

This and that from Week 7:

*Our preteen is struggling.
*Our youngest is learning at a much faster rate than we have seen in the parts of this school year that were actually spent at school.
*Our middle kiddo is immensely content.

Covid-19 Diaries Week 6

Day 36 April 18 -  I used my morning energy to cook ahead the weekend's meals all at once and then recruited my family to help me do a good kitchen cleaning.  The boys got backyard haircuts in the afternoon.

Day 37 April 19 - A quiet Sunday with mostly TV and reading and a generally non-productive approach. Craig worked on completing his absentee ballot for the Primary - the entire 2020 Ohio Primary is by mail.

Day 38 April 20 - The sun is back and we took full advantage of it with outdoor play and bike rides.  I dug out my old bread machine from The Land BC and made a buttermilk bread that was a yummy side with our dinner salads.  We also learned today that schools in Ohio will be closed until the end of the semester and quite honestly, I am relieved and thankful.

Day 39 April 21 - The baby birds are growing quickly, the wind was blowing strong, and my kids did not want to "learn" today.  We still powered through some language arts and math and then just let the chips fall as they would. Based upon a friend's recommendation, I baked a Wacky Cake which is super simple, fast to get into the oven, versatile for decoration, and tasty.  A neighbor brought me a bouquet of lilacs and some homemade coffee cake.

Day 40 April 22 -  Today was one of those days were I literally had to schedule a shower for myself to make sure it got accomplished.  We got most of the school work done, but the weather was so nice and the kids begged so much that we decided to open the pool.  It's green right now, but should be ready for swimming by May - for those who dare.  A neighbor brought us two large milkshakes to share and we enjoyed those lounging around the pool.  Ella said, "Now this really gives me the summer feeling."

Day 41 April 23 - Part 4 of Emilia's epic IEP team meeting that started on January 6 if you want to look at it that way.  Part 5 now scheduled for May 1.  Because of this meeting and our weekly grocery run, we had already decided that today was not going to be a school day.  Add to that the rain all day... and we let the girls have a Ronja marathon and Rex decided on his own to snuggle up with some favorite toys for most of the day.

Day 42 April 24 - School work this morning and then I got into a mad cooking frenzy in the afternoon to prep for the weekend.  Ella made a banana bread, too.  We had a mild day which means the great (backyard) outdoors were heavily utilized.

This and that from Week 6

*The Peggy Olson-Don Draper deep and evolving relationship is one of my favorites and very moving for me even in reruns.
*Emilia reeeeeaaaalllllyyyyyyy wants to get off the property and have some community adventures.  I never fully realized how important these experiences are to her because sometimes they do seem to overwhelm her as they happen.
*Some of our in-home therapy could start up again the second week of May, but the health guidelines are so rigid that we don't think we can adhere to what's required in a busy family-of-five-private-setting.
*The baby birds are nearly ready to leave the nest... and my front door is covered in bird poop.