I have been thinking a lot about trauma lately, specifically in terms of what my children likely experienced in their earliest years. Of my children, Emilia was most affected in this area and even after more than three years home, the aftermath of trauma in her life is still just under the surface on many days. Implicit traumatic memories can be triggered at any moment and sometimes we know what bubbles them over (a single harsh word spoken in the wrong second can make tears well up in her eyes), but often we do not. We simply see the tell-tale signs in our Emilia: sucking her thumb, covering her eyes and/or ears, screaming, being nearly inconsolably sad and weepy, clinging to us, withdrawing and shutting down, etc.
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| Emilia at the orphanage in Dobrich in April 2011 covering her ears during one of our visits |
I went back to these two articles to refresh my understanding of trauma and reading them this time around, I realized that Emilia's language delay due to apraxia is an obstacle to her processing her implicit memories and linking them with an explicit narrative that helps her make sense of what happened to her in the past and puts it into proper perspective. At this time, Emilia cannot tell us what triggers her memories nor can she express what she remembers or thinks she does. Consequently, we are limited in our ability to discuss it with her and provide her with her own history, good and bad, as we factually know it. It hit me really hard when I realized how much Emilia's struggle with communication impacts every area of her life and growth, including understanding and sorting out her own story.
As her mom, I have to do more now to help her in this particular area. I need to create a very visual lifebook for her as soon as possible. It probably won't be more than a series of photos and images trying to capture her first five years in broad strokes. We can look at them together and I can talk about what I know and infer about her history. I hope that this will help begin a meaningful exchange, whatever form it may take right now, between Emilia, Craig and me regarding her early traumatic experiences.
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| Emilia in March 2015 covering her ears with oven mitts during a situation stressful for her |
Thank you for the link to these articles. This will be very helpful for us! God bless you and your family as you help Emilia with her trauma, as well.
ReplyDeleteI see the same signs of trauma in Emery. If we cross a fine line and scold her too harshly, she immediately becomes distraught. Sobbing, hair pulling, and biting herself. I hate myself when I cross this line. It saddens me to think what she may have went through her first seven years of life. Not being able to verbally express herself only adds to the sadness I feel for her. Praying for all traumatized children and their families.
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