Ella is now almost three months home and doing
great. Really, Craig and I lie in bed
some nights and just talk about how smoothly she has adjusted, how much more
challenging things could be, and how Ella is simply thriving.
Ella is a very confident girl. She is demanding of our attention and
affection. She’s not shy to ask specifically for what she needs and wants. It’s not unusual to hear something like this
at the dinner table, “Mama, tomorrow Ella breakfast, eggs, salami and raisins,
okay?” She is learning to wait for the
fulfillment of her requests. She does a
great job sharing toys, but still needs to learn to share mama and daddy’s time
and love with her siblings. I know we’ll
get there. She had to fend for herself
for six years in a culture of rather raw survival, so she’s used to placing
herself in the center to ensure her own well-being.
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| Waiting for the school bus |
We have had a few more medical appointments and,
being well-prepared, Ella did wonderfully.
Her blood work showed that she is missing some immunizations, so we will
catch her up at a reasonable rate over the next year. She shed no tears over the first shot she
received, but simply requested that it be given in her arm rather than her
behind. We also saw our family dentist
where Ella did great for an exam, cleaning and X-rays. I was surprised that she only has two teeth
with caries (after one very decayed tooth fell out on its own several weeks
ago). One of these two teeth is beyond
repair and will have to be pulled; the other is a permanent tooth with a small
cavity that can be fixed. The main issue
is that the two teeth heavily affected by caries will not be replaced by their
permanent partners for about a decade, so Ella will likely need some sort of
spacer in her mouth to keep the further back teeth from pushing forward. Lastly, we saw our completely wonderful
pediatric ophthalmologist and Ella passed her vision exam with flying colors.
As far as eating, we have no concerns. Ella is just like any 6 year-old with
preferences and dislikes. She enjoys
fresh fruit, Greek yogurt, soups of any kind, green herbs and lettuces,
meatballs, pizza (she is already requesting “a lotta, lotta pizza” for her
birthday which is many months away), water and juice, salads with blood orange
infused olive oil instead of dressing, and, as we recently learned, hard-boiled
eggs. And, of course, she likes sweets,
so we had to introduce a nightly dessert policy with one night of fruit for
dessert, one night of yogurt, and one night of icecream (or another sweet
treat). Ella does not like raw carrots
or cheese (except on pizza which she herself acknowledges as an anomaly). We
have started talking about which things are healthy foods for our bodies and
which we have to enjoy in moderation. Ella
sleeps well through the night, takes a brief afternoon nap, and takes care of
most of her own grooming needs. She has switched from baths to showers and
basically no longer requires any help to properly clean herself in the shower.
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| On the school bus |
Ella started half-day kindergarten on January
5. I went in with her the first day and then
let her branch out on her own from there. She is excited to ride the school
bus, to be in a classroom, and to make new friends. We feel incredibly blessed by the fact that
Ella’s teacher is an adult international adoptee. We couldn’t have planned it more perfectly if
we’d tried. Ella leaves home around 8:40 each morning and returns at about
12:45 which means she’s back for a late lunch and a little nap. Ella’s testing for a possible IEP will begin
next month and daily work with an ESL teacher has already started. Physical
accommodations for her are also in place (bathroom stool, higher chair at some
of the desks, etc.).
Ella speaks frequently of her life in Gyumri. It’s not in a sad or grieving way, but more
in a manner of sharing how she spent the first six years of her life. Her memories are clear, vivid, and detailed. I am able to fact-check some of what she is telling
us and so far, everything has been accurate.
We are excited that some of the children who grew up with her for years
will be coming home to families in the US in 2015. It will be lovely to see all of these special
girls stay in touch. Ella is also
already trying to discuss deeper topics with me including people’s feelings,
how her own body will change as she gets older, whose tummy she was in, and
whether she will have surgery on her legs.
We are taking it one question at a time.
The fact that she is able to approach these topics with us also shows
you how quickly she has been acquiring English.
The biggest challenges we are facing at the
moment are social graces and obedience.
The latter is partially about responding to a request or instruction
upon hearing it once or twice, rather than four or five times. Ella is perfectly capable and understands
what we are asking, but she’s a master at selective hearing and diversion
techniques. She is also pushing the
boundaries to see what she can get away with here at home and at school. We choose our battles (who cares if she wants
to go to school with stickers all over her shoes), but when she blatantly
disobeys an instruction, even after having received multiple warnings, Craig
and I as well as her teachers come down firmly and consistently with tangible
consequences which can include anything from losing her Kindle privileges for
the day, to quiet time-ins, to having to sit on the time out pillow at school. I email or speak on the phone
with Ella’s teacher every single day to make sure we each are aware of any
issues and on the same page of how to address them. I am immensely appreciative of the extra time
and effort her teacher is giving to our family.
In terms of social graces, we are working on
simple manners (thank you, please, proper greetings, etc.), clarifying which
topics and questions are only discussed among our little family and which can
go beyond, and waiting turns. We are
also focusing on some core values in our family, such as showing kindness
toward others, accepting and embracing differences in people, and telling the
truth.
Another issue that we were prepared to face is
the control that many children who lived in orphanages for long periods like to
exert on their environment. In Ella’s
case, this trait primarily manifests itself in her constantly having to know
where everyone is and what everyone is up to as well as what is going to happen
next. I cannot tell you how many times a
day we hear, “What you doing? And then
what? Where’s [insert family member or friend here]? What you talking about?
What's [insert person here] doing?” We try
to provide answers as best and as often as possible, but there are points where
we simply have to tell Ella that something just isn’t her business or that she
should worry about her own task at hand vs. anyone else’s. This particular behavior can also make it a
bit difficult to get things done with Ella around as she always wants to be
right by the action and narrate a play by play.
She’s afraid to miss a single thing and would even let her favorite and
always highly anticipated treat, icecream, melt in the bowl on the table just
to follow me into the basement to find out what I am doing. We hope that her vigilance in monitoring her
environment and the people in her life in this manner will decrease over time
as she begins to feel more secure in our family, at school, and with whatever
life has in store for her.
Overall, Ella is doing so well and we are
thankful for how she has handled the multiple enormous changes in her world over
the last three months.
