Rex's School Farewell

Last week Rex had his final day at the school he has attended for two and a half years.  He has been well loved there and made so much progress in his development.  He has transferred to the program's second location which is closer to our new home.  Some of his therapists for specials, like speech and OT, remain the same as does the daily structure, but most of the therapists in the classroom are new to Rex.  Nonetheless, he has had a great first week there and been in a happy, attentive, interactive mood each day.

The therapists at the old location invited us for Rex's last afternoon with them.  There were many tears and even Rex seemed subdued.

The therapists made Rex a cozy blanket
with funny photos from his time at the school

The blackboard with everyone's communication goals

A farewell by Rex's locker

Final circle time

We cannot thank everyone enough for their dedication, kindness and acceptance toward Rex, but as a token of our appreciation I had the talented Laura Kelley at Pitter Patter Art make some key fobs for the therapists to remind them of Rex once in a while.

And now we're on to a new chapter in Rex's life.  We hope that he will continue to do well and be cherished at his new school.

IAC 304 Results

The following referrals were issued in IAC Session 304 which was held on December 18, 2014:

1) Irish dossier from October 2010 referred a female child aged 1 year and 6 months with features in health status

2) Danish dossier from November 2010 referred a male child aged 3 years and 5 months

3) US dossier from November 2013 referred a male child aged 1 year and 4 months with features in health status and a family history

4) Swedish dossier from April 2014 referred a male child aged 2 years and 9 months with features in health status

5) Italian dossier from June 2014 referred two sisters, aged 6 years and 8 months & 8 years and 2 months with features in health status and a family history

6) US dossier from November 2014 referred a waiting child (#2350) with a profile on the MOJ site

7) US dossier from December 2014 referred two waiting children (#2469 & #2557) with profiles on the MOJ site

8) US dossier from December 2014 referred a waiting child (#2422) with a profile on the MOJ site

The Heart - One Year Later

One year ago today, Emilia had her open heart surgery which entailed several hours on a heart and lung bypass machine.  She then spent four more days in the hospital before being allowed to come home.

Emilia's recovery after the surgery was quick and smooth.  She has had two cardio check-ups since then and everything is looking good, including her scar.  Here are photos of her scar then and now.  It has healed beautifully.

One week post-op

One year post-op

There has only been one negative effect on Emilia from the surgery and her hospital stay and that's a deep fear of doctors, nurses and medical procedures which she did not have prior to that experience.  Knowing Emilia's personality, I think it will take a while before she is comfortable and calm in a medical setting again.  However, we are thankful that her heart is strong and healthy.

Ella Three Months Home

Ella is now almost three months home and doing great.  Really, Craig and I lie in bed some nights and just talk about how smoothly she has adjusted, how much more challenging things could be, and how Ella is simply thriving.

Ella is a very confident girl.  She is demanding of our attention and affection. She’s not shy to ask specifically for what she needs and wants.  It’s not unusual to hear something like this at the dinner table, “Mama, tomorrow Ella breakfast, eggs, salami and raisins, okay?”  She is learning to wait for the fulfillment of her requests.  She does a great job sharing toys, but still needs to learn to share mama and daddy’s time and love with her siblings.  I know we’ll get there.  She had to fend for herself for six years in a culture of rather raw survival, so she’s used to placing herself in the center to ensure her own well-being.

Waiting for the school bus

We have had a few more medical appointments and, being well-prepared, Ella did wonderfully.  Her blood work showed that she is missing some immunizations, so we will catch her up at a reasonable rate over the next year.  She shed no tears over the first shot she received, but simply requested that it be given in her arm rather than her behind.  We also saw our family dentist where Ella did great for an exam, cleaning and X-rays.  I was surprised that she only has two teeth with caries (after one very decayed tooth fell out on its own several weeks ago).  One of these two teeth is beyond repair and will have to be pulled; the other is a permanent tooth with a small cavity that can be fixed.  The main issue is that the two teeth heavily affected by caries will not be replaced by their permanent partners for about a decade, so Ella will likely need some sort of spacer in her mouth to keep the further back teeth from pushing forward.  Lastly, we saw our completely wonderful pediatric ophthalmologist and Ella passed her vision exam with flying colors.

As far as eating, we have no concerns.  Ella is just like any 6 year-old with preferences and dislikes.  She enjoys fresh fruit, Greek yogurt, soups of any kind, green herbs and lettuces, meatballs, pizza (she is already requesting “a lotta, lotta pizza” for her birthday which is many months away), water and juice, salads with blood orange infused olive oil instead of dressing, and, as we recently learned, hard-boiled eggs.  And, of course, she likes sweets, so we had to introduce a nightly dessert policy with one night of fruit for dessert, one night of yogurt, and one night of icecream (or another sweet treat).  Ella does not like raw carrots or cheese (except on pizza which she herself acknowledges as an anomaly). We have started talking about which things are healthy foods for our bodies and which we have to enjoy in moderation.  Ella sleeps well through the night, takes a brief afternoon nap, and takes care of most of her own grooming needs. She has switched from baths to showers and basically no longer requires any help to properly clean herself in the shower.

On the school bus

Ella started half-day kindergarten on January 5.  I went in with her the first day and then let her branch out on her own from there. She is excited to ride the school bus, to be in a classroom, and to make new friends.  We feel incredibly blessed by the fact that Ella’s teacher is an adult international adoptee.  We couldn’t have planned it more perfectly if we’d tried. Ella leaves home around 8:40 each morning and returns at about 12:45 which means she’s back for a late lunch and a little nap.  Ella’s testing for a possible IEP will begin next month and daily work with an ESL teacher has already started. Physical accommodations for her are also in place (bathroom stool, higher chair at some of the desks, etc.).

Ella speaks frequently of her life in Gyumri.  It’s not in a sad or grieving way, but more in a manner of sharing how she spent the first six years of her life.  Her memories are clear, vivid, and detailed.  I am able to fact-check some of what she is telling us and so far, everything has been accurate.  We are excited that some of the children who grew up with her for years will be coming home to families in the US in 2015.  It will be lovely to see all of these special girls stay in touch.  Ella is also already trying to discuss deeper topics with me including people’s feelings, how her own body will change as she gets older, whose tummy she was in, and whether she will have surgery on her legs.  We are taking it one question at a time.  The fact that she is able to approach these topics with us also shows you how quickly she has been acquiring English.

The biggest challenges we are facing at the moment are social graces and obedience.  The latter is partially about responding to a request or instruction upon hearing it once or twice, rather than four or five times.  Ella is perfectly capable and understands what we are asking, but she’s a master at selective hearing and diversion techniques.  She is also pushing the boundaries to see what she can get away with here at home and at school.  We choose our battles (who cares if she wants to go to school with stickers all over her shoes), but when she blatantly disobeys an instruction, even after having received multiple warnings, Craig and I as well as her teachers come down firmly and consistently with tangible consequences which can include anything from losing her Kindle privileges for the day, to quiet time-ins, to having to sit on the time out pillow at school.  I email or speak on the phone with Ella’s teacher every single day to make sure we each are aware of any issues and on the same page of how to address them.  I am immensely appreciative of the extra time and effort her teacher is giving to our family.

In terms of social graces, we are working on simple manners (thank you, please, proper greetings, etc.), clarifying which topics and questions are only discussed among our little family and which can go beyond, and waiting turns.  We are also focusing on some core values in our family, such as showing kindness toward others, accepting and embracing differences in people, and telling the truth.

Another issue that we were prepared to face is the control that many children who lived in orphanages for long periods like to exert on their environment.  In Ella’s case, this trait primarily manifests itself in her constantly having to know where everyone is and what everyone is up to as well as what is going to happen next.  I cannot tell you how many times a day we hear, “What you doing?  And then what? Where’s [insert family member or friend here]? What you talking about? What's [insert person here] doing?”  We try to provide answers as best and as often as possible, but there are points where we simply have to tell Ella that something just isn’t her business or that she should worry about her own task at hand vs. anyone else’s.  This particular behavior can also make it a bit difficult to get things done with Ella around as she always wants to be right by the action and narrate a play by play.  She’s afraid to miss a single thing and would even let her favorite and always highly anticipated treat, icecream, melt in the bowl on the table just to follow me into the basement to find out what I am doing.  We hope that her vigilance in monitoring her environment and the people in her life in this manner will decrease over time as she begins to feel more secure in our family, at school, and with whatever life has in store for her.

Overall, Ella is doing so well and we are thankful for how she has handled the multiple enormous changes in her world over the last three months.

Come Fly With Me

Amid all the hustle and bustle of moving, I totally missed the fairly recent controversy about a child with cerebral palsy being asked to sit in her own seat during a flight.  The little girl is over three years old and the law requires any child above 24 months to be in his or her own seat during take-off and landing.  If the child needs special accommodations to comply with the law, parents can purchase and bring an FAA approved car seat or even have their child fly in his or her own wheelchair on large enough planes.  You can find more details here and an opinion here.

I agree with Hallie Levine.  Unfortunately, the reality of special needs parenting is that you will have to do more homework and put in more effort on your own to allow your child to participate fully in life.  Claiming ignorance of the law and of the adaptive equipment available to follow the law on the Kirschenbaums' (who are clearly frequent flyers) part is a cop-out.  It's your responsibility as a parent to be prepared for air travel with your child, not the airlines'.  So from one special needs mom to another: you knew better, you are smart enough and dedicated enough to figure this out for your daughter, but you chose not to do so because in the past you have been able to steamroll over the airline personnel and the law to have it your way.

Having said all of this, I will add one thing.

We have three children with special needs and we spend extensive time speaking with airline and airport staff informing them well ahead of our travel of our children's needs and how they can be accommodated.  This has included anything from ordering wheelchair service from gate to gate, requesting special meals to meet dietary restrictions, and calling TSA Cares to let them know of Rex's struggles with the security check.  Very rarely (and usually only in Western Europe) do our work and preparation bear fruit, if at all.

We have been left many times transferring between flights without the wheelchair service we had ordered or even without our own adaptive stroller that was gate-checked and supposed to be returned to us at the connecting airport.  We have been forced at TSA checks to unbuckle our screaming, kicking, snot-flinging, biting, hitting preschooler from his adaptive stroller, so that he could be patted down.  We have endured nine-hour flights without the special meals we had requested.  We have even been forced to open tetra pack drinks for our daughter with food allergies (literally poke the straw in the hole and pour some of the liquid out to be tested) and told we could "tape the packs back up" and still take them on the flight.  TSA was going to conveniently provide us with the tape to do so.  Are you kidding me?

At other airports, we were allowed to move our tetra packs and baby jar food through the scanner intact, but then Craig and I had to undergo additional pat downs, hand wipe downs, shoe and belt scans, etc. to make sure our kids' food didn't include ingredients to make explosives.  Our strollers had to be pulled aside to be double-checked as well. So left without a way to restrain our kids and with us standing there getting our own bodies searched, our small children are usually trying to climb on the conveyor, grabbing other people's items from the bins, scratching and hitting random travelers, running off into the terminal... all while getting the evil eye from TSA staff.  I am sorry to say, but TSA does not care.

Maybe none of this would be unexpected or upsetting except that we do do our homework and try to ready everyone possible for the times that our family travels by air.  Unfortunately, all too often our preparations are for naught and we undergo great stress before and after vacations or visits with loved ones around the world.  Still, we are willing to follow the law and to accept the trials and tribulations of air travel to allow our children to participate fully in life and experience the same things many of their peers do.  The Kirschenbaums need start doing the same.

Pick-Up Trip Days 17 & 18 & 19

October 20, 2014

My sister left for Vienna in the wee hours and we prepared for another chilly day.  It's tough to keep the kids entertained in the apartment because they all enjoy going outside.  As we were getting ready for our morning walk, we received a call letting us know that our embassy appointment was scheduled for the afternoon.  We were so thrilled because this is the last step to complete before we can get Ella's visa and leave.  Unfortunately, there appears to be a new consul in town who is not familiar with Hague IA, so we had the world's longest interview which lasted a full hour.  At the end, the consul asked for more documentation and some corrections in a number of documents.  Sigh.

Today was also the day, inevitable for us during every pick-up trip, where we felt ready to get home.  The kids are being troopers, but their behavior is getting more challenging as the days drag on.  Still nothing too major, but enough to put a little strain on things.

Bonding

October 21, 2014

Our wonderful team here in-country submitted everything the consul requested today, so now everyone just waits for a phone call to say Ella's visa is ready.  Our travel agency is on standby to see if we can switch flights and leave early if the visa comes soon.

Today was probably the second coldest morning we have had since our arrival here, so we bundled up the kids as best as we could and set out for our morning walk anyway.  We roamed the city for over two hours and ran our personal errands on the way.

After lunch and naps, the weather cleared into a sunny afternoon, so, you guessed it, we did more walking.  Dinner was a mishmash: homemade mini burgers, fire-roasted potatoes from a nearby street vendor, and matsun with fresh herbs.  Bananas for dessert.

Today the girls really played together for the first time.  It lasted only about ten minutes, but they were giggling and having fun.  It warmed our hearts to see the first tender beginnings of their interactive relationship as sisters.

October 22, 2014

No call from the embassy today, so we just did our usual routine of lots of walking and playing outdoors and eating delicious local food.  Thankfully, the beautiful weather has returned.  We're all going crazy cakes in the apartment. At times it feels like groundhog day.

In the morning, we visited Rex's former orphanage and were so glad that two of our favorite three caretakers were on shift.  They were overjoyed to see Rex and couldn't believe how big he has gotten.  One of the caretakers told us, "If we'd known what kind of boy he would grow up to be, we wouldn't have needed to worry so much when he was a baby."  Even the doctor who used to refer to Rex as one of her "problem children" was simply amazed at his progress.  We had a wonderful visit to the orphanage and seeing Rex so confidently navigate his old stomping grounds showed Craig and me just how far our little boy has come.

This hallway holds so many memories.

IAC 302 & 303

The following referrals were issued in IAC Session 302 which was held on December 4, 2014:

1) US dossier from September 2010 referred twins, female, aged 3 years and 4 months

2) Spanish dossier from October 2010 referred a male child aged 3 years and 4 months

3) Spanish dossier from November 2010 referred a female child aged 3 years and 9 months

4) US dossier from January 2012 referred a male child aged 4 years and 6 months with features in health status

5) US dossier from March 2012 referred a female child aged 2 years and 1 month with features in health status

6) French dossier from July 2012 referred a male child aged 1 year and 7 months with a family history

7) Italian dossier from May 2014 referred a brother and sister aged 6 years and 9 months & 8 years and 8 months

8) Italian dossier from May 2014 referred a brother and sister aged 6 years & 8 years and 11 months

9) US dossier from May 2014 referred a waiting child (#2754) with a profile on the MOJ site

10) Italian dossier from November 2014 referred two children, male and female, aged 10 years and 5 months & 7 years and 5 months

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The following referrals were issued in IAC Session 303 which was held on December 11, 2014:

1) Irish dossier from August 2010 referred a female child aged 1 year and 6 months

2) Spanish dossier from October 2010 referred a male child aged 1 year and 10 months

3) US dossier from October 2010 referred a male child aged 1 year and 10 months

4) Irish dossier from February 2011 referred a female child aged 1 year and 9 months with features in health status

5) Italian dossier from August 2012 referred a male child aged 2 years and 5 months with features in health status and a family history

6) Irish dossier from January 2013 referred a male child aged 1 year and 4 months with features in health status and a family history

7) US dossier from March 2013 referred a female child aged 1 year and 2 months with features in health status

8) Italian dossier from April 2013 referred a female child aged 1 year and 9 months with features in health status and a family history

9) Italian dossier from June 2013 referred a male child aged 1 year and 11 months with features in health status and a family history

10)  US dossier from December 2014 referred a waiting child (#2478) with a profile on the MOJ site

11) US dossier from December 2014 referred two waiting children (#2527 & #2528) with profiles on the MOJ site

12) US dossier from December 2014 referred a waiting child (#751) with a profile on the MOJ site