A Rose By Any Other Name

Naming is a hotly debated matter in the adoption community with some seeing the value in keeping a child's birth name, others believing that they have a right to re-name their children, and many trying to find a middle ground between both.

Craig and I gave the issue a lot of thought with all three of our adoptions and have come to different conclusions in each case.  We always waited to meet our children before we made a decision and, out of respect to their biological families and their birth countries, always referred to them by their birth names until they were legally ours.

In Rex's case, his birth name, while a very popular boys' name in Armenia, is a common female first name here in the US which we thought my cause some confusion and teasing.  In addition, it was obvious to us that Rex did not respond to his birth name as we heard him called by it countless times during our registration trip and he showed now reaction.  Given these two factors, we felt comfortable changing his name to Rex which is a family name for us, as is his middle name.  And we have found over time that his name fits him very well.  He is the little king of this family.

Emilia's birth name was a very traditional Slavic name.  Craig and I both thought it beautiful and were using a sweet and very American nickname based on it for our girl while we waited to bring her home.  We were quite tempted to keep the name, but we didn't know at the time if she had been named by her birth family or hospital staff and the name itself held a negative association for us with an American celebrity.  Plus, after meeting her, we realized she, too, did not respond to her birth name.  After Emilia arrived in the US, we had a Bulgarian translator for our initial medical appointments and she tried every single nickname that someone could be called based on her birth name and Emilia showed no reaction.  This made us feel confident that we had made the right decision in giving Emilia a new first and middle name, honoring beloved members of our family.

Making a name choice for Big Sis has been much harder than it was for Rex and Emilia.  Sis is older and she responds to her name.  In fact, she strongly identifies with it.  It is a lovely name and we much prefer her birth country's pronunciation of it over the American version.  This pronunciation also lends itself to a nickname that has been on our short list for girl names for years, despite its recent surge in popularity.  And, the nickname is a family name for us to boot.  Therefore, we decided to keep Big Sister's birth name, with an unusual American spelling that will hopefully reflect its proper pronunciation.  We will use a nickname that can stand alone.  And for a middle name, like Rex and Emilia, she will be given a family name.  We just haven't decided which one yet.

I know that our children may question our choices in naming them as they grow up.  I questioned my parents and that was without an adoption factor involved.  I am prepared for them to tell me they hate their names and make decisions about what they want to be called.  They may even opt to change their names officially and while this will be hard for me to accept, I know it's their right.  But I simply want our children to know that we did not take the issue of naming them lightly and that we thoughtfully, carefully considered what would be best for each of them within the realm of our understanding at the time of their adoptions.

And no matter what the future holds in this regard, as a mother to my children I am with Shakespeare, "What's in a name? that which we call a rose / By another other name would smell as sweet."