Rex Three Years Home

Transformed...

Growing, learning, thriving, laughing, loving, teaching...

A blessing beyond measure...

Happy Together Forever Day, Rex.

We love you because you are you.

*Three years ago today, on July 14, 2011, Rex finally left the orphanage that had been all he ever knew to join our family as our cherished son.

Why (Not) Us?

*July 13, 2011 was Rex's last full day and night at the orphanage where he spent the first 28 months of his life.

When an adoption journey turns out well and the child you bring home lives up to the dreams and expectations you had, it's easy to say it was meant to be.  The child is just as smart as the biological children in the family, just as athletic as his mommy, just as into books and reading as her daddy, just as crazy about rollercoasters as the cousins, just as creative as grandma... how could such a perfect fit not be meant to be?

But when you adopt a child and after coming home find out that things are not as you thought and will never be as you imagined, many families ask, "Why us?  Why did it have to turn out like this for us?"  The question is often posed with a tremendous amount of grief, frustration, fear, anger, and disappointment.  It comes from a painful place of shattered dreams, uncertain futures, and monumental new challenges.

When we adopted Rex, we believed we were bringing a deaf and cleft-affected child into our family.  We were prepared to never hear him speak, but to communicate effectively and copiously through sign language.  We had chosen a private local school for him to attend that specializes in teaching children who are deaf, hearing impaired and/or have speech disorders.  We had mapped out likely surgical and orthodontic timelines that would address his cleft lip and palate.  We expected him to thrive once he was healthy and given the means to express himself.  We dreamed of international vacations and backyard football games, school Christmas programs and bedtime stories, college graduation and family cookouts.  We had not, however, counted on a little too much genetic material in our son, not even a full additional chromosome, just a tiny region duplicated one too many times that would make all the difference and change all of our dreams.

After just six weeks of parenthood, we were the ones asking, "Why us?"  I am not going to lie and say that we did not feel grieved, angry, afraid, and shocked.  We did and we cried and then cried some more.  But almost simultaneously our thoughts turned to, "Why not us?"  Why shouldn't we be chosen to parent a child like Rex, a human being with complex and permanent needs, a boy that stole our hearts at first sight?  Why shouldn't life present us with this, our greatest challenge?  We had been blessed with almost everything needed to meet it: good heads on our shoulders, a positive outlook on life, financial and medical resources, the ability to learn quickly, a solid and happy marriage, great communication and problem solving skills, a sense of humor, a feeling of security and confidence about who we are as individuals, and abundant love to share.  All we needed to add was a large dose of flexibility, acceptance of the unknowns and the unchangeables, and willingness to receive help.  So why not us?

Despite the attitude with which we have been approaching our new normal, in draining moments where I feel I have nothing left to give, I often recite to myself these lines from The Waste Land:

APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.

Some days, some weeks, even some months in our family life are like T.S. Eliot's April, cruel and laborious and making us ache with continued sacrifices, unanswered questions, repeated set-backs, and unexpected losses.  But we have also learned that by each painful period, our family is reborn to more hope, more grit, more joy, more resolve, more commitment, and more gratitude.  And that is how we are meant to be.

by Carrie Lynne Photography

His Infinite Worth

*On July 12, 2011, the judge released our adoption decree, making Rex officially our son.

I know there are still people who believe that those among us with disabilities have less worth and value in this world than everyone else.  I, on the other hand, know without a doubt, that human beings like Rex have a distinct purpose in life.  They touch and teach so many in sometimes unexpected ways and they bring joy and wonder and growth into spaces that were stagnant or unexplored without them.

Here are some of the things that people have said to us about Rex in recent months.

"I was blessed to hear Rex laugh at the pool yesterday.  Made my day."

"You've been such an inspiration to us and quite possibly without your encouragement we wouldn't have [-] home with us!" 

"I'm happy with all his progress and he looks just a very happy boy!!"

"This update just made my day.  I shared this with [T.] and [Dr. H.] (he saw Rex on the first visit).  Everyone agreed he has just the cutest little smile.  He is your little miracle."

"Now that we have met him, we will miss him even more."

"I have learned so much from Rex and will miss working with him."

"Rex's laugh is always contagious and seeing him smile warms every inch of my heart.  Rex has been a joy in my life and I am excited to see what the future holds for him."

"Rex is doing amazing.  I am loving working with him and love seeing how much progress he is making."

Rex is here because the world needed a child just like him.  He has a story and there's a plan for his life. We don't know the plan in its entirety right now, but we are privileged to accompany him on his journey and to witness his works of love, tolerance, joy, resilience, courage, and acceptance every single day.

What's New With Rex - Three Years Home

*Over the next four days, I will post entries in honor of our son Rex.  On July 11, 2011, we attended our court hearing in Yerevan to ask that we may legally become Rex's parents.

Whoa, almost five months since I provided an update on Rex.  Our preschooler is doing well and continuing to learn new things.  There are, without a doubt, daily struggles for him and for us, but we are proud of how far Rex has come and hopeful for where he may go yet.

In June, Rex started a new level of therapy at his school.  He now receives 20 hours of 1:1 therapy a week there which, during summer camp, includes daily swim lessons.  He is working on a variety of objectives from walking safely in public places to recognizing and labeling emotions like happy and angry to potty-training.  Since therapy is not always fun for Rex, we are calling it his part-time job.

Rex's self-help skills are improving.  His dressing skills have skyrocketed to where he completely understands the entire process and needs little to no assistance to perform the components of taking off his clothing.  Getting the clothes back on is still a bit tougher, but even there, he is progressing, showing a greater awareness of his body and how it works.  He has also made strides in retrieving specific objects from across the room as well as receptively identifying those objects.  He has mastered sitting on the toilet for 15 consecutive minutes and even goes in about half of his sessions on the potty.  Being allowed to flush is a great reward for him.

Rex's willingness to pay joint attention to a task is increasing which helps his therapists teach him things like matching in larger and larger fields, walking safely, and new ASL signs.  One step imitation continues to be a fully mastered skill and now Rex is working on imitating peers.  His frequency of requesting has gone from just a few times an hour to 2-3 dozen times per hour just in the last month.  Rex has also begun asking for items and activities that are out of sight.  In our most recent parent teacher conference, his teachers told us that he is a pretty quick learner if (big if) they can engage his attention and cooperation for a task.

The most exciting news is that Rex started using expressive language at the end of May.  Since then, he has added four words to his vocabulary: pop (bubbles and bubble wrap), car, ball (balls and balloons) and go.  We are ensuring that he gets plenty of opportunities here at home and at school to practice and apply these words.  While we are aware that he could stop speaking as unexpectedly as he started, we are hopeful that this might be a new level in his development.

Rex continues to be a real fan of the outdoors. He's happy on any playground or at the pool or park.  Even at home, he often lies down on the deck just to soak up the sun.  He still enjoys swinging and jumping on trampolines as well as all kinds of music.  Rex is a great sleeper, snoozing right through the night.  He understands when it is bedtime and is almost always compliant with it.  Most mornings he hops into our bed for snuggles and dozes with us until it is time to get up.  He also likes to eat, but is sticking mostly to his preferred foods: sandwiches, pizza, yogurt, bananas, chips and crackers, protein bars, waffles and pancakes, tater tots, applesauce, chocolate pudding, bacon, avocado, chicken salad/dip... all gluten and dairy-free.  He is now 41 inches tall and weighs 41 pounds which puts his BMI at 90%, but his doctors realize that Rex is a very active boy who does not overeat, so this is considered only one indicator of his health.

Rex having fun with my cousin

Behaviorally, we usually have to take it one day at a time with Rex, gauging his mood, his physical well-being, his level of tiredness and other factors and then adjusting our parenting techniques accordingly, including the demands we place on him.  Rex has always been very adaptable to people and situations and, except for some main pillars like meal and nap times, actually prefers a varied schedule.  He gets easily bored if we're stuck at home for an entire day and sometimes waits by the garage door to let us know he'd like to go on an outing.  He's still a sensory-seeker which can manifest itself in countless ways from pulling hair to biting pillows to running water over his hands.  Sometimes it's really fun to introduce him to new sensory experiences like boat rides and moving sidewalks and sometimes it's hard to manage his needs in this area.

Here's how Rex likes to do airplane rides

The most important thing that continues to reward and motivate us in raising Rex is his apparent love for Craig and me.  Rex is securely attached to us and shows joy when he sees us.  For example, when Craig arrives to pick him up from school, there's usually squealing, jumping and running into daddy's arms.  When I lie down next to Rex in his bed at night, he turns his head to smile at me.  We have also noticed that Rex's measure of security is to have his parents around.  He doesn't get too phased by new environments or experiences, so long as we are there with him.  Where Emilia struggles to fall asleep in unknown settings like hotel rooms or cabins, all Rex needs to relax is the closeness of his family.  Where Emilia tends to be afraid to try new things, Rex will typically give it a whirl if we are by his side.  Rex is showing us his love in his own special ways which means the world to Craig and me.

Keep marching to the beat of your own drummer, Rex, because, above all, you are marching forward, learning, thriving, and happy.  Your story has touched many people and already changed the lives of some, so there's no question in our minds to your value, worth and purpose in this world.

Independence Day 2014

We had a great Independence Day.  As always, we were lucky enough to get invited to the chicken fry that Craig's aunt and cousin host each year.  The weather was perfect in the sunny 70s, the company was wonderful, and the food was delicious.  We all had so much fun.

Here are our little patriots:

Rex took some interest in badminton:

But the kids' favorite activity were the paddle boat rides with friends:

Other things that happened this weekend...

I made this no-bake pie with orange cream.  Yum:

Rex got his first treatment-requiring injury from a fall on Saturday.  He actually cried quite a bit which, given his high pain tolerance, let us know he was really hurt.  We had to clean the rocks out of his knee, then run peroxide over it to disinfect, followed by Neosporin and a big Band-aid which he, surprisingly, is keeping on.  For the big swollen knot on his head, he begrudgingly allowed some icing which we continued for a while after he fell asleep.  We thought he was okay until he started vomiting and dry heaving repeatedly this morning, so we rushed him into the ER.  They kept us for observation until the afternoon.  Rex just napped peacefully while at the hospital, then ate a snack, and then started to terrorize the room at which point the doctors decided he was safe to go home without a CT scan.

Emilia started singing "Let It Go" from Frozen.  I think I mentioned before that it's very hard to capture her singing on video because she always wants the camera or phone, but I'll keep trying.  It's so cute.

Hope everyone had a terrific Fourth of July weekend.

Blast From The Past

Emilia dancing with her daddy in June 2013

IAC 283 & 284 Results

The following results were issued in IAC Session 283 which was held on May 21, 2014:

1) Spanish dossier from September 2010 referred a male child aged 2 years and 4 months with a family history

2) German dossier from October 2010 referred a male child aged 1 year and 10 months with features in health status

3) Italian dossier from November 2010 referred a male child age 5 years and 7 months

4) French dossier from February 2011 referred a male child aged 4 years and 7 months with features in health status and a family history

5) French dossier from December 2011 referred a male child aged 2 years and 1 month with features in health status

6) Italian dossier from January 2012 referred a female child aged 8 years and 1 month

7) Italian dossier from February 2012 referred a child (age and gender not disclosed) with features in health status and a family history

8) Italian dossier from March 2012 referred a male child aged 6 years and 2 months with features in health status and a family history

9) Italian dossier from June 2013 referred a female child aged 9 years and 4 months

10) Italian dossier from July 2013 referred two female children aged 8 years and 10 months and 9 years and 11 months

11) Italian dossier from April 2014 referred a male child aged 9 years and 8 months

12) US dossier from May 2014 referred a waiting child (#2171) with a profile on the MOJ site

13) US dossier from May 2014 referred two waiting children (#2275 & #2324) with profiles on the MOJ site

14) US dossier from May 2014 referred a waiting child (#1026) with a profile on the MOJ site

15) US dossier from May 2014 referred a waiting child (#2167) with a profile on the MOJ site

16) US dossier from May 2014 referred a waiting child (#1037) with a profile on the MOJ site

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The following results were issued in IAC Session 284 which was held on May 28, 2014:

1) Dutch dossier from April 2010 referred twins, male and female, aged 5 years and 1 month

2) French dossier from June 2010 referred a female child aged 2 years and 10 months

3) French dossier from July 2010 referred a male child aged 2 years and 2 months

4) Dutch dossier from July 2010 referred a female child aged 3 years and 6 months with features in health status

5) French dossier from March 2013 referred a female child aged 6 years and 5 months with features in health status

6) Italian dossier from August 2013 referred two brothers aged 5 years and 9 months and 7 years and 9 months

7) Italian dossier from September 2013 referred twins, male and female, aged 8 years and 4 months with features in health status

8) US dossier from April 2014 referred two waiting children (#2147 & #2148) with profiles on the MOJ site

9) French dossier from April 2014 referred two waiting children (#2428 & #2429) with profiles on the MOJ site

10) US dossier from May 2014 referred a waiting child (#2186) with a profile on the MOJ site

11) US dossier from May 2014 referred a waiting child (#2236) with a profile on the MOJ site

12) US dossier from May 2014 referred a waiting child (#2269) with a profile on the MOJ site

13) US dossier from April 2014 referred two waiting children (#2138 & #1875) with profiles on the MOJ site

14) US dossier from April 2014 referred two waiting children (#2342 & #2343) with profiles on the MOJ site