Our Son's Birth City

Even though I cannot reveal our son’s location on our blog yet, I do want to post some additional information and a few more photos from our trip.

First, here are two views from our hotel room which was located in a residential neighborhood with one and multiple family homes. We had windows facing both west and east. At night we heard street dogs barking, in the morning roosters crowing, and during the day hammers clanking onto metal.

Our son’s birth city has a vibrant, modern, wealthy city center with countless stores, restaurants, museums, sights, and so on. I will post some photos of this area at a later date. For now, here’s a look at how most people live in this city:

Traffic in the city was absolutely crazy. There seemed to be no rules. We were amazed that we only saw one accident per day. While I don’t have any photos of driving, check out this bird’s eye view of a parking lot and note that ALL cars shown are fully stopped and parked. Trust me, I know for sure because we stared at this lot in fascination for at least 20 minutes while waiting for an appointment.

Lastly, I wanted to mention that we delivered all the donations. We took them to the orphanage on Monday afternoon and on Tuesday morning our little guy was wearing a pair of overalls that we’d brought. I recognized them immediately because I had ironed on a fun patch over a thin spot on the knee. I was glad to know that the donations had, in fact, been distributed to the groups and reached the children for whom they were intended.

By the way, the day we returned home from meeting our son was the one year anniversary of our registration with MOJ in Bulgaria. While I am so happy that we took a leap of faith and pursued our first child in a different country, my heart goes out to all the parents who, like us, continue to wait for Bulgarian referrals in a very slow, seemingly unpredictable program.

Happy Thanksgiving

Several years ago, I came across a Native American prayer that has since stuck in my mind. Throughout the long months of gathering paperwork and waiting for the adoption process to unfold, with things mostly out of my control and surprises and obstacles at every bend, it gained even more significance for me and became my daily mantra. It still is. Today, I want to share this prayer with you and dedicate it especially to those of you who have been waiting for referrals for many months, if not years. My heart goes out to all of you. May there be good news soon! Until then, “Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.”

IAC 160 Results

The following referrals were issued in IAC Session 160 which was held on 10/21/10:

1) German dossier from 2005 referred a child up to age 2, female, with inhibitions in the NDP, a sequence

2) U.S. dossier from 2006 referred a child under 3 yo, female, in sequence

3) U.S. dossier from 2008 referred two children up to age 5, female and male, biological brother and sister, in sequence

4) U.S. dossier from 2008 referred a child under age 6, male, with features in health status

5) Italian dossier from 2009 referred a child under 5 years old, male, with a healthy tolerance

6) Swiss dossier from 2010 referred a waiting child whose profile was posted on the MOJ site

By the way, please don’t ask me what some of these terms mean. Obviously Google Translate is struggling with the particular lingo used by the IAC. My guess (!!) is that "in sequence" might indicate a referral being made in some sort of chronological order from the main procedure wait line. And I think NDP could be the letter by letter translation of a Bulgarian acronym referring to something in child development.

He’s Wonderful, He’s Marvelous

On Friday, November 12, 2010 around 10:30 am local time, after traveling well over 6000 miles and 24 hours, after waiting for almost two years to experience this moment, we met our son.

The morning was mild, the skies clear and sunny, and autumn seemed to have barely just begun. Accompanied by our translator, we took a taxi through the city center and then finally into a much less colorful, less active neighborhood. The difference between rich and poor was stark and seemingly immediate as if we had crossed some invisible line. The taxi wound up a hill and stopped in front of a blue metal gate, the entry to the orphanage.

After meeting with the orphanage director, we walked to our son’s room. When we arrived, he was being dressed to go outside and didn't see us as his hat and coat were being put on him. Suspended in time, Craig and I simply stood there, immobilized, staring at his little face. We didn't know what to do, what was appropriate. I took a few steps toward him and I think I might have said a few words, but he still didn't notice us. Finally, a caregiver placed him into my arms, a little person bundled into layers and layers of clothes. I know tears were streaming down my face and I just held him as he looked intently at me. "Mama's here. Your Mama's here, I'm your Mama, you are so beautiful." I remember saying these things, blubbering them and I am sure many others. Our son remained calm and simply studied my face. Then he turned to look at Craig who had stepped up next to us. I said, "That's your daddy, do you want to meet your daddy?" I gently handed our son to Craig. And then I don't know how long we just stood there, enveloping this little creature between our bodies and arms, while he serenely looked at both of us, his crying, smiling stranger-parents.

After an immeasurable moment, the caretakers told us to take our son outside as this had been their plan before our arrival. We weren't sure, but they encouraged us to do it which turned out to be a bad idea. In the hallway, everything was fine and our translator took our first family picture, but as soon as we hit open air, our little guy began to cry uncontrollably and inconsolably. One of his caretakers had to come, take him, and walk with him outside until he calmed down which seemed to take an incredibly long time. We knew this meant he was attached and healthily afraid of strangers, a good sign, but hearing his screams was still heart-breaking.

Eventually we returned to our son’s group room. I was sitting in an armchair when his caregiver handed him back to me. I held him tight and began quietly talking to him, rubbing his back, stroking his hair, kissing his cheeks. It didn't take long until this child, my child, rested his head and his body squarely against my chest. We sat together like this for at least 30 minutes, only the sounds of his breath and his cooing, my gentle words and motions. Occasionally, our son would lean back and study my face with his big brown eyes. Everyone who was there in the room later said they could tell an immense and profound feeling was flowing between the two of us. Our translator, the caretakers, Craig and I all had silent tears rolling down our faces. The caretakers said our little guy never reacts well to visitors and they simply couldn't believe how he was sitting with me, relaxed and calm and close.

I could have remained like we were forever and Craig would not have minded, but I wanted him to have some time on this first meeting, too. So I passed our son into Craig's arms and he stayed peacefully on daddy's lap just as he had on mine.

It seemed much too soon when our translator stood up and let us know that we had to leave for our appointment. I felt so overwhelmed by emotions; my life had changed in the course of just over an hour. I knew in my very core that I had a son, that I was now a mother forever.

We spent six more days with our son, visiting him each day for about 90 minutes in the mornings and three hours in the afternoons. We not only got to know him, but also the other seven children in his group, six of his caregivers, his doctor, his physical therapist, some of his previous caretakers and former doctor, and the orphanage director. Orphanage staff sought us out every day to talk to us, hug us, kiss us. Our happiness and love as a family must have been palpable and everyone wanted to be a part of it. We were glad to share our joy.

Every day, we played with our little guy in his group room and were also able to go outside for walks and time on the playground and every day our bond grew so much stronger. On the first day he cried when we took him outside, on the second day he did, too, but I was able to calm him by myself, on the third day he was pleased to be outdoors with us, and by the fourth day he made his way to the door to let us know he wanted to go for a walk with us. We found our son exactly as he had been described in his information and by the photos and videos. We were not surprised by anything we saw, but we could never have been prepared for the sweet sound of his laughter, the softness of his cheeks, the weight of his little body against ours, the long gazes from his beautiful eyes, and the expressiveness of his face. We walked into the orphanage as his parents, we had decided already to bring him home, no matter what. This was not an audition, this was our family reunion. And still, we could never have fathomed the intensity of our love and the depth of our joy until the three of us were finally together as it had always been intended.

IAC 159 Results

The following referrals were issued in IAC Session 159 which was held on 10/15/10:

1) Dossier from Cyprus from 2006 referred a female child under 3yo

2) Dossier from Germany from 2007 referred a male child 4yo

3) Dossier from France from 2007 referred a male child under 5yo

4) Dossier from Italy from 2008 referred two female children up to 5yo with features in health status

5) Dossier from the U.S. from 2010 referred a waiting child with a profile on the MOJ website

Orphanage Donations Part 1

I believe in accountability and, therefore, while we are awaiting our first trip to meet our son, I wanted to let everyone know how much of the fundraiser money has been spent to purchase orphanage donations. We have raised a total of $434 thus far and since I am now definitely buying for two orphanages, I am only going to use half of that amount for this adoption. If we raise more money later, I will make sure half of it gets to our son’s orphanage even if his adoption has already been completed.

Now without further ado, here is what I have purchased:

45 pairs of new socks from a local clearance center: $22.50
12 new diaper covers from a local clearance center: $1.20
8 boxes of crayons during back to school sales: $2.00
12 bottles of children’s vitamins: $40.56
10 boxes of Band-Aids from Ebay: $9.00
19 pieces of clothing from Ebay/Walmart: $12.70
4 tubes of children’s toothpaste on clearance $8.00
8 tubes of diaper ointment $17.92
3 tubes of Neosporin $11.82
2 packs of safety cotton swabs $3.16
4 board books $22.00

Half of these clothes I purchased are going with us, too.

In total, I have spent $150.86 of the $217 ($434/2). I am going to take all of the above donations as well as half of all the children’s clothes (mostly boys') that were given to us by generous mom-friends along on this first trip. Yes, one entire suitcase will be designated solely for orphanage gifts. After we speak to the orphanage director and staff, we will decide how to best use the remainder of the funds.

Thanks again to everyone who has participated in our fundraisers so far. I hope you feel that your contributions are being put to good use.

Toddler Stowaway

A close friend of ours brought us a big suitcase this week so that we can be ready when it is time to travel to meet our son. When my little nephew saw the luggage, he made it abundantly clear that he is not opposed to being a stowaway if it would only lead to time with his new cousin. I can’t wait to see what kind of mischief those two will get into as they grow up together.