It's A Heart Thing

Today Emilia passed her pre-op exams for her open heart surgery on Monday.  We were at the hospital for about three and a half hours for blood work, x-rays, a physical, an EKG, as well as meetings with the surgeon and anesthesiologist.

Even though we have had months to prepare, it's still really hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that my little girl will undergo a major surgery three days from now. I have had many sleepless nights and anxiety attacks thinking about it all.  I have questioned if we should pull the breaks as parents and hold off for another year to see if things with her heart might get better. But what if things would get worse as the cardiologists expect?

Aside from all the risks of the surgery itself, one of the hardest aspects for me to accept is the scar.  Our littlest nephew had open heart surgery two years ago, so I know what those scars look like early on and later.  For boys and men, scars are badges of honor, cause for tall tales, sources of pride. But for girls and women?  I think of our society's ideals for beauty, smooth, flawless skin among them, along with our bellies and chests as points of attraction for mates.  After this surgery, Emilia's body will not be par with that standard, no matter what.

by Carrie Lynne Photography

How will she feel about it?  How will she handle it?  Will she hide the scar or show it off as her cousin does?  How will it affect her search for a partner?  Will she meet someone who can find appeal and beauty in her scar?  Or someone who can look totally beyond it and recognize the survivor she is?  Maybe I am just projecting my own fears and perceptions about scars onto my child.  Maybe she will have no problem wearing her scar with confidence and telling people that it's a symbol of her own bravery and strength.  Only time will tell, but it weighs heavily on me that today I signed papers allowing the doctors to alter my daughter's body in a way that may not be completely positive for her life.

Please keep Emilia in your thoughts on Monday as she undergoes this major procedure.  If all goes according to plan, she will be in the OR from about noon to 4:00 pm and then lightly sedated in the ICU at least overnight before we can move to a regular room.  She will have many lines and machines hooked up to her for a few days, measuring vitals and pumping drugs into her system.  Her heart will be stopped for about an hour during the surgery.  We want her body, spirit, and mind to be sound when she wakes up on Tuesday, so please unite with us in this wish for our cherished daughter.