Ella Three Months Home

Ella is now almost three months home and doing great.  Really, Craig and I lie in bed some nights and just talk about how smoothly she has adjusted, how much more challenging things could be, and how Ella is simply thriving.

Ella is a very confident girl.  She is demanding of our attention and affection. She’s not shy to ask specifically for what she needs and wants.  It’s not unusual to hear something like this at the dinner table, “Mama, tomorrow Ella breakfast, eggs, salami and raisins, okay?”  She is learning to wait for the fulfillment of her requests.  She does a great job sharing toys, but still needs to learn to share mama and daddy’s time and love with her siblings.  I know we’ll get there.  She had to fend for herself for six years in a culture of rather raw survival, so she’s used to placing herself in the center to ensure her own well-being.

Waiting for the school bus

We have had a few more medical appointments and, being well-prepared, Ella did wonderfully.  Her blood work showed that she is missing some immunizations, so we will catch her up at a reasonable rate over the next year.  She shed no tears over the first shot she received, but simply requested that it be given in her arm rather than her behind.  We also saw our family dentist where Ella did great for an exam, cleaning and X-rays.  I was surprised that she only has two teeth with caries (after one very decayed tooth fell out on its own several weeks ago).  One of these two teeth is beyond repair and will have to be pulled; the other is a permanent tooth with a small cavity that can be fixed.  The main issue is that the two teeth heavily affected by caries will not be replaced by their permanent partners for about a decade, so Ella will likely need some sort of spacer in her mouth to keep the further back teeth from pushing forward.  Lastly, we saw our completely wonderful pediatric ophthalmologist and Ella passed her vision exam with flying colors.

As far as eating, we have no concerns.  Ella is just like any 6 year-old with preferences and dislikes.  She enjoys fresh fruit, Greek yogurt, soups of any kind, green herbs and lettuces, meatballs, pizza (she is already requesting “a lotta, lotta pizza” for her birthday which is many months away), water and juice, salads with blood orange infused olive oil instead of dressing, and, as we recently learned, hard-boiled eggs.  And, of course, she likes sweets, so we had to introduce a nightly dessert policy with one night of fruit for dessert, one night of yogurt, and one night of icecream (or another sweet treat).  Ella does not like raw carrots or cheese (except on pizza which she herself acknowledges as an anomaly). We have started talking about which things are healthy foods for our bodies and which we have to enjoy in moderation.  Ella sleeps well through the night, takes a brief afternoon nap, and takes care of most of her own grooming needs. She has switched from baths to showers and basically no longer requires any help to properly clean herself in the shower.

On the school bus

Ella started half-day kindergarten on January 5.  I went in with her the first day and then let her branch out on her own from there. She is excited to ride the school bus, to be in a classroom, and to make new friends.  We feel incredibly blessed by the fact that Ella’s teacher is an adult international adoptee.  We couldn’t have planned it more perfectly if we’d tried. Ella leaves home around 8:40 each morning and returns at about 12:45 which means she’s back for a late lunch and a little nap.  Ella’s testing for a possible IEP will begin next month and daily work with an ESL teacher has already started. Physical accommodations for her are also in place (bathroom stool, higher chair at some of the desks, etc.).

Ella speaks frequently of her life in Gyumri.  It’s not in a sad or grieving way, but more in a manner of sharing how she spent the first six years of her life.  Her memories are clear, vivid, and detailed.  I am able to fact-check some of what she is telling us and so far, everything has been accurate.  We are excited that some of the children who grew up with her for years will be coming home to families in the US in 2015.  It will be lovely to see all of these special girls stay in touch.  Ella is also already trying to discuss deeper topics with me including people’s feelings, how her own body will change as she gets older, whose tummy she was in, and whether she will have surgery on her legs.  We are taking it one question at a time.  The fact that she is able to approach these topics with us also shows you how quickly she has been acquiring English.

The biggest challenges we are facing at the moment are social graces and obedience.  The latter is partially about responding to a request or instruction upon hearing it once or twice, rather than four or five times.  Ella is perfectly capable and understands what we are asking, but she’s a master at selective hearing and diversion techniques.  She is also pushing the boundaries to see what she can get away with here at home and at school.  We choose our battles (who cares if she wants to go to school with stickers all over her shoes), but when she blatantly disobeys an instruction, even after having received multiple warnings, Craig and I as well as her teachers come down firmly and consistently with tangible consequences which can include anything from losing her Kindle privileges for the day, to quiet time-ins, to having to sit on the time out pillow at school.  I email or speak on the phone with Ella’s teacher every single day to make sure we each are aware of any issues and on the same page of how to address them.  I am immensely appreciative of the extra time and effort her teacher is giving to our family.

In terms of social graces, we are working on simple manners (thank you, please, proper greetings, etc.), clarifying which topics and questions are only discussed among our little family and which can go beyond, and waiting turns.  We are also focusing on some core values in our family, such as showing kindness toward others, accepting and embracing differences in people, and telling the truth.

Another issue that we were prepared to face is the control that many children who lived in orphanages for long periods like to exert on their environment.  In Ella’s case, this trait primarily manifests itself in her constantly having to know where everyone is and what everyone is up to as well as what is going to happen next.  I cannot tell you how many times a day we hear, “What you doing?  And then what? Where’s [insert family member or friend here]? What you talking about? What's [insert person here] doing?”  We try to provide answers as best and as often as possible, but there are points where we simply have to tell Ella that something just isn’t her business or that she should worry about her own task at hand vs. anyone else’s.  This particular behavior can also make it a bit difficult to get things done with Ella around as she always wants to be right by the action and narrate a play by play.  She’s afraid to miss a single thing and would even let her favorite and always highly anticipated treat, icecream, melt in the bowl on the table just to follow me into the basement to find out what I am doing.  We hope that her vigilance in monitoring her environment and the people in her life in this manner will decrease over time as she begins to feel more secure in our family, at school, and with whatever life has in store for her.

Overall, Ella is doing so well and we are thankful for how she has handled the multiple enormous changes in her world over the last three months.