April 18, 2011

Two years ago today, we met Emilia for the first time.  My memory of that moment, even of those first minutes with her, is not nearly as clear as what I recall with Rex.  We were with her so briefly that first visit to the orphanage, maybe ten minutes, maybe it was more.  I honestly had lost my sense of time in jetlag and emotions.

We had driven from the Varna airport directly to the orphanage where it was nap time.  I don't know if they woke Emilia to meet us or if she was kept awake until our arrival.  We were ushered into a tiny ante-room with a giant couch, told to wait.  The space was crowded and hot.  When they brought Emilia in, she was scared, so scared.  Too scared to even cry.  I knew her size from the referral paperwork, but suddenly holding this frail little girl still came as a shock.  In my arms was not a healthy nor a happy child.  She was 18 months old, weighing maybe 14 pounds, if that.  She was pale with deep, dark circles under her eyes.  She was weak with very little energy.  And she had just been handed over to total strangers in a room that she would have known from passing, at best, which left her feeling so frightened, so helpless, so lost.

Can you see the shock beneath my smile?
And her confusion, fear, and hopelessness?

If this photo had audio, I think Emilia would be grinding her teeth.
And the nanny in the background is probably wondering
if we will like this sickly child and decide to adopt her.

It took about a year at home with us before almost all the emotional scars from orphanage life had healed for Emilia.  She dropped habits like grinding her teeth, clicking her mouth, and rocking herself over the course of several months.  She started trusting us slowly, considering carefully if she really did want to attach to us.  Maybe she asked herself: Are these grown-ups worthy of the incredible love and happiness I have to give? She went from hugs for everyone to certain affections just for Mama and Daddy to allowing me finally now to hold her like a baby, rock her, gaze into her eyes and sing.  It took a year for her to get ready to say yes to speaking, yes to learning new things, yes to life itself.

Never, ever, ever on that rainy April day in 2011 could we have imagined what a beautiful, lively, radiant child would emerge into our family if only we gave her the time, patience, love, and understanding she needed.  We have been immeasurably blessed with our little girl who is sweet and loving and funny and are so thankful that we took a chance on her and she on us.