Pudding Galore

I have shared this recipe recently with several APs whose children have come home this summer and are picky eaters or have nutritional deficiencies. I got it from a CLCP support group because cleft-affected kids sometimes have a hard time getting enough calories or nutritional content, especially after their surgeries. We fed this pudding to our son in Armenia and he liked it a lot.

It's very easy: Make a packet of instant pudding mix with Pediasure as the liquid rather than milk. It sets up the same and between two or three different Pediasure flavors and who knows how many pudding ones, there are many combinations. It stays fresh in the fridge for about two days.

Since Pediasure is kind of expensive, I will also share this second recipe here, but I can't vouch for it as I haven't tried making it yet:

2 pouches Carnation Instant Breakfast
2 cups whole milk
2 teaspoons vegetable oil
1 package instant pudding mix

Half a cup of this stuff packs 250 calories... or so I am told.

Rex - One Week Home

Yesterday marked one week home and three weeks out of the orphanage for Rex. In no special order, here are some of the things we have learned about him:

1) Rex is a good eater and doesn’t have the overeating or picky eating food issues that some kids do. He is now on a schedule to eat three meals and two to three snacks a day and it seems to be working fine. He does not drink with his meals, so we offer fluids about 30-60 minutes after he eats and at other times, too. The only food he has rejected is hummus.

2) For three weeks Rex refused all liquids except apple juice mixed with water. In a small nutritional victory, he started taking an apple carrot juice blend mixed with water yesterday. He still drinks from a bottle with a big hole cut into the nipple. It’s basically like he milks the nipple with his teeth since he cannot suck well.

3) Rex will not ride in shopping carts, but he loves to be carried in the Ergo. He has also taken well to the car seat and enjoys walks in the stroller.

4) Rex turns everything that is not a toy into one. He has fun playing with cooking spoons, pots, lids, chairs, the phone, the fireplace, doors, drawers… I could go on. You should see our house right now, it’s a mess of proper and make-shift barriers to keep him safe and some of our stuff intact. Any guesses what we’ll be doing this weekend?

5) Eye contact from/with Rex has increased tremendously. He also now seeks out more cuddling, finally resting his head on our chests and shoulders, touching our skin, etc. He is also now reaching up his arms to us to be picked up. And when we let him, he falls asleep on us. This kind of intimacy can still get overwhelming for him at times, but the improvement is noticeable.

6) Rex does have trouble regulating intense emotions, whether they are good or bad. If he gets overstimulated, his response can be a rage or he has to lie on his back and turn his head from side to side to calm down. I feel like he is getting better in this area also because if I catch the warning signs, I can remove him from the situation and calm him down by distraction or by holding him.

7) When he first got home, Rex wanted nothing to do with the carpet. Then he walked on it in socks, then barefoot. Now he will sit and lie on it, but he still will not touch it with his fingertips.

8) Rex sleeps in a crib in our bedroom. After a few nights of adjusting, he now sleeps through the night 9-10 hours, very calmly and deeply. We are happy parents partially because we are not sleep deprived.

9) Rex is not fond of bathing. He was cleaned standing up in a shallow tub at the orphanage, so he still will not sit down for a bath. He used to scream his head off while I soaped and rinsed him, but how he just whimpers. It’s progress, I’d say. Oh and he looks the cutest in his froggy bath towel.

10) Craig wanted me to put for #10 that Rex is amazing. His resilience and determination and willingness to adjust despite everything have blown us away. Our hearts are bursting with love for this little guy.

And just for fun, here is a photo of the little mischief-maker who snuck his snacks out of the diaper bag and figured out how to open them, eating to his heart's content:

The Face That Launch'd A Thousand Ships

Four months after our dossier had been registered in Bulgaria, I saw a little boy listed with our agency on Rainbow Kids. Just a DOB, one sentence about his medical needs, no photo. I inquired and was told he was not in Bulgaria, but a few days later his info was shared with me anyway. I had at least a dozen emails about him in my inbox, but the one I opened first had this photo:


I will never forget the moment I saw him. My heart started pounding and racing, my body felt like lightning had gone through it, I was giddy. And my brain said, how can you adopt this child from Armenia? Another dossier? Tens of thousands of dollars in additional fees? And what about Bulgaria? And while all of these things were spinning through my mind, somewhere deep inside I already knew that this was my son and that I would move heaven and earth, launch a thousand ships, to bring him home.

Rex Rage

The most challenging aspect of Rex’s transition into our family that we are experiencing are his rages. They can last anywhere from a few minutes to half an hour and they happen about four to five times a day. These rages entail kicking his legs, screaming at the top of his lungs, banging his head, pinching himself and us, sweating through his outfits and drenching his hair completely in sweat, hitting his forehead with his fist until it is bruised, and hitting his cheek with his fist until he bleeds from his mouth. While these rages happen, we hold Rex as loosely as possible, but still tight enough to prevent him from injuring himself. Sometimes we rock him and sometimes we sing to him, but for the most part we just hang in there with him until his hurt and anger and aggression subside.

This morning started with a half hour rage which I believe was set off by Craig leaving for work. Rex gave himself a bloody nose though I don’t know if it came from a self-inflicted punch or simply from the pressure of crying and struggling for such a long time. When the rage was finally coming to an end, Rex settled his head into my chest and fell asleep. I lay down on the floor with him and he slept cuddled up on top of me for about half an hour. The feeling of reaching the other side of a rage with my son for me is one of great peace, accomplishment and closeness, like a profound quiet and reward after a wild storm.

I am not sharing this information publically to deter anyone from adoption. On the contrary, I want you to know that our son is an immeasurable blessing to us. He is resilience personified and I am proud of how he has handled the first two years of his life. He survived near starvation in infancy and has bounced back to the 15th percentile in weight on US growth charts now. He survived a surgery and week-long hospital stay without doting parents by his side. He survived and still does yet untreated medical conditions that affect his development. He survived orphanage life being the child who was described as “loves playing alone,” as “best not disturbed when he’s doing something,” as “moody or having a volatile temper.” No, he wasn’t the sweet, cuddly and receptive kid that every orphanage caretaker loves to snuggle or play with or teach, so he survived without it. He did what he had to do to make it through all of these experiences and deprivations and it is going to take lots of time, patience and love from us to help him heal and realize that he can live differently now.

I wrote this entry because I want everyone considering adoption to get educated and everyone in process to get prepared. Read books, join forums, ask questions of experts, of your agency, of other adopters, follow adoptive families’ blogs, connect with knowledgeable local adoptive parents, and find resources for help in your area. You have to go into this experience not only with your heart wide open, but also with your eyes wide open. You may not face the exact struggles that we are currently handling, but I guarantee there will be something at some point on this road. I am so grateful for all I learned in the last two years from books and online sources as well as from blogs and forums. I am thankful for the wise adoptive moms and dads I have met, for the advice and encouragement we have been given by doctors and their staffs, social workers, (P)APs, and our agency, and for the understanding and generosity of our own families. It’s a tremendous asset to us now that our son is home to be able to tackle this transition so well educated, so well prepared, and so well supported.

Timeline Of Our Armenian Adoption

March 27, 2010: saw “Collin’s” profile on Rainbow Kids and inquired

March 31, 2010: info about Collin/Karen sent to us, saw his beautiful face for the first time

April 5, 2010: started home study update document gathering

April 15, 2010: consultation and evaluation with Dr. Staat at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital

May 10, 2010: officially told our agency that we want to adopt Karen

May 28, 2010: home study finished and approved by placing agency

May 29, 2010: USCIS I-800A application mailed

July 24, 2010: USCIS approval arrives and is incorrect

August 7, 2010: mailed I-800A Supplement 3 paperwork

August ?, 2010: dossier to Armenia

August 30, 2010: received new I-797 with my name on it incorrect/incomplete

September 3, 2010: received corrected I-797

November 1, 2010: first PM approval from Armenia

November 3, 2010: invitation to travel

November 12, 2010: arrive in Armenia and meet our son

November 18, 2010: sign paperwork to accept referral and proceed with adoption

November 19, 2010: return to the US

January 27, 2011: request from Armenia for updated fingerprints for Craig

March 18, 2011: final PM approval granted by Armenian government

May 2, 2011: USCIS I-800 filed after delays in getting the Article 16 documents

May 10, 2011: re-file returned I-800 with USCIS

May 20, 2011: refile a yet returned again I-800 with USCIS

June 11, 2011: receive I-800 approval

June 24, 2011: Article 5 Letter released

July 1, 2011: invitation to travel

July 9, 2011: arrive in Yerevan

July 11, 2011: court

July 12, 2011: court decree making the adoption official is proclaimed and released

July 14, 2011 Together Forever Day

July 25, 2011 US visa issued

July 28, 2011: home

Together Forever Day

Our Together Forever Day was July 14, 2011 when we picked up Rex from the orphanage and he left these blue gates behind for always. The building you see is where his room was.During the taxi ride to the apartment, Rex was beaming with happiness in a way we'd never seen before. Notice the hills in the background. His orphanage is located on a hill on the outskirts of Yerevan.Can you tell he has two cowlicks on the top of his head? A number of Armenians told us that this means he will marry twice.

Armenian Journal

These are the notes I took during the 20 days we spent in Armenia. I did not edit them, so they are exactly as I wrote them while away:

7/8 Depart our house at 10:00 am. Leave CVG at 12:30 pm for Atlanta and Atlanta at 5:45 pm for Paris. Smooth travels all around.

7/9 Arrive Paris 8:10 am. Fresh croissants for breakfast. Then naps in comfortable chairs at the far end of the terminal. Depart for Yerevan 1:20 pm. Arrive Yerevan 9:00 pm. It is 93 degrees F and broad daylight when we touch ground in Armenia. A delicious warm breeze is blowing. We are picked up from the airport and taken to our apartment to settle in.

7/10 Visit to Vernissage open air market (found the painting another AP wanted) and the grocery store in the morning, then a restful afternoon and evening at the apartment. Short walk to the Cascades for some exercise.

7/11 Reunion with Karen at the orphanage. He has grown and is covered in a terrible heat rash. We are not sure if he recognizes us, but he allows us to hold him and play with him outside. We are told that the bruises on his face are from auto-aggressive behaviors. We soon see them ourselves: he is hitting his head hard with clenched fists at moments of frustration and at the inability to communicate his needs and wants. Court at 1:00 pm in closed proceedings. Six people in the courtroom: judge, court stenographer, representative from the district for Karen, our lawyer/translator, Craig and I. The judge calls on me and grills me with questions for ten minutes. I cry the whole time while answering and am drenching in sweat. I tell her of Karen’s medical and developmental issues and beg her to waive the 30 day wait. When the judge is finished with me, she calls on Craig to answer three questions only. It seems like an eternity to me, but the entire proceedings only take 20 minutes and the judge says she will proclaim her ruling the next day at 5:10 pm. When it’s over, the judge, stenographer and rep smile at me and tell me I have won their hearts and congratulate us. We return to our apartment for a short rest and change of clothes and then go back to the orphanage to be with Karen. Quiet evening at the apartment follows.

7/12 Morning and afternoon visits with Karen at the orphanage. When we walk in in the morning, Karen is in the giant playpen on his belly, screaming and contorting himself like he is being exorcised. No one seems to care. I walk over to him and call his name. He stops his behavior and looks at me. I pick him up and he is instantly calm. He is doing better overall today, less auto-aggression, more babbling. We have learned already that he loses his cool when he is hungry or thirsty which he usually is 30 minutes before his scheduled meal times. He is a big eater. We have snacks for him and he likes them and then he polishes off what he’s served by his caregivers, too. The judge rules us Rex’s new parents and waives the 30 day wait at 5:10. In the evening we get a meal at our favorite restaurant across the street from our apartment and then walk to the fountain light and music show at Republic Square. People are out in droves, including children. In a way, it is heartbreaking to see so many well loved and well cared for Armenian children with their families when we also know the suffering that goes on at the orphanage just a few miles away.

7/13 We walk a 5K in the city in the morning, mostly near the Cascades. Then we wait at the apartment for our appointments which do not happen as the paperwork isn’t ready. We do some shopping with our translator, make a stop at the hospital where Karen was born and drive through the small, quiet street where his birthmother’s home is located. We see it with our own eyes: a little single family row house with a small front yard that is shaded by a roof of luscious green grape vines. The entire street looks this way. It almost feels like we are in the country in this street rather than a large capital city. In the afternoon we visit Rex. He is improving with us every day, such a difference that everyone notices in such a short time. His caregiver Rosa who hadn’t seen him since the previous week told us she noticed he was much calmer and less aggressive during her shift. She credits it to us having been back in his life for 48 hours. She’s the caregiver who has always had faith in Rex. This will be Rex’s last night at the orphanage and our last night with just the two of us. We are exhausted, so we spend it at the apartment, having a small dinner and an early bedtime.

7/14 In the morning we go to different local offices to get Rex’s adoption certificate and new birth certificate. At 3:00 pm we head to the orphanage to pick him up. We have to sign some papers in the director’s office and are told that she knows nothing at all about Rex’s birthmother other than the fact the she never called or visited. In his room, Rex is having a bath, so he can be squeaky clean for the new clothes we brought for him. The farewells are quick. The caretakers shed some tears, Rex does not. He is ready to go. We spend the afternoon at the apartment where he does amazingly well. He wants to explore everything, but it’s not safe. Craig has to go to apply for Rex’s passport and is told to return tomorrow with a corrected document. The evening is just the three of us, adjusting, learning, staring at each other. Rex goes down easy for a full night’s sleep at 9 and we are not far behind. What a day!

7/15 I don’t remember what we did exactly. Maybe we had the day off. Craig returns to apply for the passport and is told it will be ready on Wednesday.

7/16 We go in the morning to have Rex’s blood drawn for embassy required serological testing. Costs about $4.00 to run several tests. Then we make a stop at a local art market followed by an open air flea market where we buy a painting of Yerevan for Rex. It’s so hot here, we stay in during the day as much as possible. In the evening, we take Rex to Republic Square to see the fountains.

7/17 Another day off, I think. We did some walking in the morning and evening.

7/18 We pick up the results from the blood test and head to a local medical center for Rex’s embassy exam. The doctor gives me a bad vibe, she does not give Rex a chance and does not seem to understand problems of children who have been institutionalized. In the afternoon we go to MOJ to see the vice minister and pick up Rex’s Hague Letter. We wait and wait, but the minister is not in the building, so we leave. Rex is miserable and sweaty.

7/19 The translator and I return to the MOJ in the afternoon to get Rex’s Hague Letter. The vice minister is not there again, so after a 90 min wait in no AC we are allowed to see the minister who signs the document for us. We walk to the Opera House in the evening and have some ice-cream.

7/20 We take Rex to a park for his first experience of grass. Craig picks up Rex’s passport in the afternoon. His name is misspelled (Reks), but it will not be changed, so we have more corrective paperwork ahead of us in the US. Our adoption documents are dropped off at the US embassy for review.

7/21 We have nothing on the agenda. We stay in during the hot hours, but go for walks in the morning and evening.

7/22 Our embassy interview which did not go well. Consular staff is not sure if they can issue a visa for Rex as they find there’s a discrepancy between our HS approval and the results from his embassy medical exam. Makes no sense to us and seems utterly ridiculous. We are told they must get in touch with their superiors in Washington, DC and we should check back with them on Monday about a decision. I am also thinking of the reunion at Hueston Woods which starts today. Wish the three of us were there to meet everyone and enjoy the fruits of Yvonne’s and my labor. Next year!

7/23 We go to the Yerevan Zoo which is kind of sad. Funds must be lacking severely. Quiet afternoon in the apartment followed by our traditional evening walk through the city. Rain has washed the skies clear and we see a beautiful view of Mt. Ararat, Armenia’s holiest symbol, now located in Turkey.

7/24 We spend a lazy Sunday morning at the apartment, then I go for a bit of shopping with one of our translators. We have Chinese for dinner and then visit a little gelato parlor during our evening walk. Good thing we didn’t locate this place two weeks ago. I am sure we’ll be making another stop there before we depart.

7/25 90 minutes of walking in the morning. Craig runs up the Cascades (over 550 steps) Rocky-style in 3 mins 20 secs. Afterward we all take the escalators up the Cascades and have a beautiful view of Yerevan and Mt. Ararat. Then we start emailing and calling the embassy for news of Rex’s visa. Finally around 3:00 pm we get word that they will issue his visa today. Celebratory gelato in the evening. Two more days here and then finally home sweet home.

7/26 Low key day. Walking in the morning, then some rest. I run a few errands on foot by myself in the afternoon to prepare for the trip home. Rex stays up past his bedtime to watch the music and light show at the fountains in Republic Square.

7/27 One last trip to the Cascades. We take Rex up again to see the view and try to take some family pictures. Not much luck with that as he won’t look at the camera. Lunch with our translators. Then I head back to the orphanage to pick up something I forgot. Major toddler meltdowns in the afternoon… Rex can feel that something is in the air. Finish packing, last take-out dinner from our favorite restaurant.

7/ 28 Wake up at 3:15 am, leave Yerevan at 6:00 am, arrive Amsterdam at 8:00 am, depart Amsterdam at noon, arrive Detroit at 3:00 pm, leave Detroit at 5:30 pm, arrive Cincinnati at 6:30 pm, home at 7:30 pm.