Emilia - One Year Home

It has been one year today since Emilia arrived in the United States, one year of seeing her joy and spunk and sweetness emerge as we have tried to nurse and love her back from two years of little care at an orphanage.  Everything has been slow going with Emilia and I now understand that she suffered greatly with the shock of the transition to our family and, more importantly, was deeply wounded by what she experienced while institutionalized.  I know that some children are extremely resilient and can bounce back quickly, but we have learned that Emilia is different in the way she responds to change, to pressure, to life itself.  While on the outside she may appear like she's holding things together with ease, my instincts tell me that on the inside she struggles with many of life's daily demands and has a great need to feel safe and protected at any given moment.

That said, Emilia has done so well in the past twelve months as you will see in these pictures.  I haven't ever posted any of these photos from the first days home because in some ways they are painful to me.  Emilia was so malnourished and so traumatized that people looked at her and saw a sick and withdrawn infant.

When she arrived in the US at just two years old, Emilia weighed about 16 pounds and was 29 inches tall.  She wore 6-9 months clothing, some of which we had to take in at the waist.  Now she weighs around 25 pounds and is 32 inches tall, fitting comfortably into a 2T.  She was then in a size 2 diaper and now we use size 4.  She used to comfort herself by rocking, grinding her teeth, and clicking her mouth.  All of these behaviors have vanished.  The last bastion of self-soothing is thumb-sucking which may be with us for a while and that's okay.

As a new daughter and sister, Emilia stayed to the sidelines all the time. She made few demands beyond food and could not communicate.  I don't even think that she wanted to communicate as she seemed to feel that nothing would come of the effort.  She did not respond to her Bulgarian name or any forms thereof, but now knows that she is Emilia.  She has even earned herself the nickname of Peepers because of the funny bird sounds she sometimes makes when she is very excited.

Emilia used to hide under tables, pillows, blankets and behind chairs.  She was always quietly in the corners of our home and our life.  We had to draw her in if we wanted her to participate.  Now Emilia is center stage almost all the time.  She wants attention and she knows how to get it.  Her babble and laughter fill the rooms of our house.  She still only says and signs a few words, but her face speaks volumes.

When Emilia joined our family, we did not know that she was severely anemic and allergic to dairy.  She had dark circles under her eyes, pale skin, brittle nails, and only half of her baby teeth had come in.  She must have been in chronic pain from digestive problems and had little energy to do anything.  She slept poorly, too.  Now we have a child who loves food and sleeps soundly through the night. Her hair has grown five wild inches and she constantly receives compliments on her beautiful skin.  Her nails are sharp (much to my ouch) and she is a bundle of activity all the time.  Sitting still is no longer in her repertoire.

When she first came home, Emilia was a scared and sad child who simply observed.  Her smiles and hugs were survival strategies that did not stem from true happiness or attachments.  Now, Emilia radiates sincere joy.  Her eyes and her face light up in such an incredible way when her heart is full that it just takes my breath away.  When she interrupts a favorite activity and leans over to give me a spontaneous kiss, my mama cup runneth over.  She now knows the safety and love of a family and her walls of distrust, insecurity and doubt are steadily crumbling.

Emilia's delays are still great and it will take her a long time to catch up, but I believe that she has begun her healing which will be the foundation for any progress and success in the future.  She is a wonderful daughter and a blessing to our lives.  We love you forever, sweet girl.